Ask Ema: Code Switch is Which

You know that meme about hosting a birthday party and feeling anxious because all your disparate friend groups are mixing? How do you get over your anxiety of that, when they ARE just SO different, and l act totally different depending on the person. Is it narcissistic to worry about my perception?

As someone who loves memes, is perpetually anxious, and yet has found a way to deal with the cognitive dissonance of disparate friend mixing, hello. I have entered the advice chat.

I think there are two ways to approach this. The fun method: have separate birthday parties/hangouts for each friend group. Think about it – no need to stress about leaving the corporate friend alone with the anarchist friend, you can curate each hangout to match the vibe of the friend group, and you get to celebrate your birthday not once but potentially twice or more times!

The other option requires a bit more emotional labour, and also being patient while I tell you something that I am acutely aware is much easier said than done, which is: try to embrace the chaos/anxiety?! I’m at a point where I’ve accepted that some (read: most) situations in life will inherently be anxiety-inducing, but there’s no point adding to that baseline stress by thinking yourself responsible for other people’s feelings and experiences. Who knows, maybe everyone will get along (they do have at least one thing in common, being friends with you!), and if they don’t, oh well. 

Also, I’m a big believer in the idea that it’s not ‘bad’ to act differently around different people or with different friends! It’s pretty natural to adapt your communication and presentation to context, and I’d wager that the code switching is more noticeably jarring for you than for other people. Just remember my pal, you contain multitudes.