Ask Anahit: Christmas Special

I recently got promoted at work and now I feel like I'm being treated differently. I've always felt like I didn't get a lot of respect at work – co-workers excluding me and making comments about my appearance, talking about how red my nose is etc. I recently got promoted and suddenly everyone wants to be my best friend. It all seems really fake and it makes me feel super uncomfortable. What should I do? 

Normally the answer to any kind of workplace stress is to unionise, but it’s tricky when the people you’re meant to unionise with are the problem. I will say this sounds like quite a toxic work environment and it’s strange that no one has stepped in until now. Being excluded at work – laughed at and called names and left out of games, for example – is never OK, and someone responsible should have intervened before it got to this point.

If this job is important to you and there aren’t other alternatives (I work in the arts so I very much get the whole 'there are no other jobs' thing), I think this needs to be addressed head on. I would speak to your manager and HR person about what has been happening, and your discomfort both with the bullying and the recent pivot, and whether they might mediate a conversation between you and your colleagues. Talking to your boss is scary, but sometimes they are nice and jolly so it might go really well! I would then, in a safe and structured environment, tell your co-workers that they have hurt your feelings and it will take a while until you can build back that trust. Relationships, even work relationships, need to be built on trust and authenticity – it doesn’t matter if you’re head of the pack if you feel disrespected, and it is worth everyone putting in the time and effort into making amends. We all deserve to thrive at work, however we look, and no one should tarnish our glow xx