Solstice

Hinging on the desperate idea that the summer solstice is the most phantom-friendly day of the year (it says so in Fortean Times), this latest DTV release from The Blair Witch Project’s Daniel Myrick attempts to frighten its audience with flash-cuts, minor chords, red-eyed kids, tar-spewing toilet taps and slimy bayou rednecks (though at least they’ve cast R. Lee Ermey). Yes, it really is that bad. Following a cast of attractive young folks without even a cliché character trait between them (including X-Men’s Shawn Ashmore and Mamma Mia!’s Amanda Seyfried), the woodenly constructed plot (lifted from a no doubt superior Danish thriller) poses two major questions: why do ghosts in movies always communicate with living relatives by scaring the bejeesus out of them; and, without a single scare or the currently en vogue flashes of blood and boobies, will this film actually appeal to anyone? No matter what time of year you watch Solstice, it will always feel like the longest day. [Michael Gillespie]