If I Had Legs I’d Kick You

Rose Byrne gives a brilliant, harrowing turn as a frazzled mother being put through the wringer in this impeccably put-together black comedy that's as repellent as it is compelling

Film Review by Carmen Paddock | 16 Feb 2026
  • If I Had Legs I’d Kick You
Film title: If I Had Legs I’d Kick You
Director: Mary Bronstein
Starring: Rose Byrne, Delaney Quinn, Conan O'Brien, A$AP Rocky, Ivy Wolk, Mark Stolzenberg, Mary Bronstein, Manu Narayan, Danielle Macdonald, Eva Kornet, Ella Beatty, Helen Hong, Daniel Zolghadri, Josh Pais, Ronald Bronstein, Laurence Blum, Lark White, Amy Judd Lieberman, Char Sidney, Jodi Pynn Gabree
Release date: 20 Feb
Certificate: 15

Mary Bronstein’s portrait of a mother pushed to her limits would be almost comedic in extremity were it not for the brutal, brilliant construction of its cyclone of horrors. If I Had Legs I’d Kick You is a relentless assault on the senses, at times almost unwatchable. However, the committed performances (notably a harrowing turn from Rose Byrne as Linda, the mother in question) and the skill of the design team make for compelling, if often repellent, viewing.

Linda’s daughter – her face never seen, her voice and limbs omnipresent – suffers from a feeding disorder that requires a tube and daily hospital visits. With her husband away at sea and her apartment ceiling collapsing in a flood, she has to manage her daughter’s health regimen from a noisy motel room. Beyond caring, her work as a therapist puts her as the main support for vulnerable adults – most prominently young mother Caroline (Danielle Macdonald). With her own support network limited to an exasperated colleague (Conan O’Brien) and the motel superintendent (A$AP Rocky), Linda’s ability to hold her life and self together – fragile from the opening scene – careens into uncharted chaos.

Lucian Johnston's editing and Christopher Messina's cinematography, in conjunction with the sound team, create a hellscape whose only relief is bleak humour. If I Had Legs I’d Kick You suffers only from a formulaic reveal of past trauma and a somewhat contrived ending; in other ways, the film is impeccable. Few will want to watch this more than once.


Released 20 Feb by Picturehouse; certificate 15