The T Diaries: Bronto Skylift

When we first got the phone call asking us to play at T in the Park it was like something out of a David Lynch film (before he got shit then good again then shit again). We were in Inverness after just playing RockNess, which was the biggest thing we had ever done, then it got bigger! Bronto kinda resigned itself to the fact that we would never get to play T in the Park ‘cause of the kind of band we are, so it was a bit of a shock to be honest.

In keeping with this, in 2007 we actually hosted T in the Flat (see what we did?), played to 20 people and had an awesome time. I think we played three sets then trashed the place. No...we trashed the place during the set (see photos on our MySpace).

FRIDAY

The battle plan was to go up in the Bronto Van on the Friday and camp all weekend ‘cause we’re pure hardcore and that eh? Leaving Bronto HQ on Friday we started our journey to T. Fleet Foxes were on the stereo as was other driving gold that can't be remembered at the moment due to PTTS  (Post Traumatic T Syndrome). We stopped at Springburn Tesco for some supplies. I say supplies, but we actually needed to buy our tents! So cheap shit Tesco 'tents' it was, and a pile of nice food and drink, then we were off.

As we got close to the site it became clear that we had three differing sets of directions and this led to some amusing "I think it's this left" discussion and wrong turns. To be fair, Malky was a great copilot. We got to the staff car park and there we managed to blag Scott in for the weekend but that was as far as our blagging went.

Bronto were the lowest down of the low bands at T...not Dananananaykroyd! There was no chance we were getting backstage or catering. To be honest, just getting from the car park to the T-Break tent was a fucking mission for us!  85% of the security folk at T were total non-entities. If aliens visited from some far off galaxy...looking to learn something about Earth and its inhabitants...and landed at T in the Park...and had to deal with security? They would get their laser guns out and kill themselves, surely?!

We decided we should pitch our tents so we could have a proper exploration of the site, which lead to our next misadventure. Basically we were told there was no artist camping available. But some of us were pretty sure there was and argued the point while others didn’t budge, so an executive decision was passed and we walked all the way down to fucking Yellow 4 with all our shit. This was not the most pleasant of walks.

We pitched up at Yellow 4 next to a couple of jakey bitches that Malky knew, had a drink and spray-painted the tents using a Bronto stencil so that we were sure we could find them. It will be a different story next year when there are hundreds of tents with the Bronto logo on ;)

Hospitality was next on the mission list, where we relaxed and drank green tea and ate food and generally felt pretty tired! There was much fun to be had watching the people who had spent an extra £40 to get into hospitality looking at us like we crawled out of a tramps arse. It must be noted that these kinds of people do nothing whatsoever of worth and would sooner piss on you than buy a CD or t-shirt at a gig...but we digress.

The Mars Volta need to stop and reform At The Drive-In! Gig was good but kinda felt like watching 70s Woodstock footage or something. Anyway, the drummer looked happy throughout and our friend Natalie got a mention from the stage. Yeah Yeah Yeahs were amazing and should have played the Saturday night. Nick Cave and The Badseeds were a revelation! Awesome set. Weirdly...Iain saw some of The View but this was surely an accident??!

At exactly 0015 Niall through a diva strop and charged back to the van to sleep, bumping into JP and Fergus on the way and explaining to them his reason for leaving the campsite..."So my wee throat’s ok for our gig tomorrow" Rock ‘n’ roll is not dead, but I’m not sure if it's alive either.

SATURDAY

Everybody slept pretty well on the campsite and the van proved to be ok, if a little on the chilly side without a sleeping bag! We all met at the van and befriended the car park attendant who was from Shetland and was great banter. He and his wife work all the summer festivals together. We all thought this was really nice and felt positive about life in general. This was until we realised that the lights had been on all night and the battery was dead!

We got brunch then went and saw Gong Fei and Su-Su-Sucioperro. Niall went off to brave the showers and they turned out be to really good which was a surprise to everyone. Our car park attendant friend had tried to convince him to walk a mile up the road to a public shower but Bronto can take the campsite showers!! (The used condom was an interesting side note to this experience). Niall and Buddy waited for Iain at the ARTIST CAMPING toilets (yes, we found it in the end but we were tooooo stubborn to move the tents) and were 'treated' to The View 'singing' Oasis covers. Surreal and unsettling.

A few of the Bronto crew went flyering for our show, which was fast approaching, to try and ensure we got a solid 15 people into the tent. We got a dressing room and crate of beer before we went on…

Dressing room = good    

Beer = bad      

OK it’s lager really but it tastes like pish, so let’s not be pedantic eh?
Dressing room was defaced with Bronto logo which surely added a touch of common to it.

After a bit of a hoopla getting the kit moved (there always is...come on we’re a 2 piece, we like to gaze lovingly at each other!) we got a line check and sound guy Buddy sprinkled some Bronto Dust onto the desk. It was during this time we realised that the tent was actually filling and people were shouting and shit. Maybe the flyering paid off? Or people didn’t want to see Jane's Addiction? Whatever, by the time we were ready there was an awesome crowd in place.
We had wanted to come on to The Boss - Dancing in the Dark, but the CD corrupted so we decided to do a wee jam (same shit, different setting).

Gig was pretty unhinged and amazing fun. We didn't want it to end and could have played on for another half hour easy given the adrenaline levels.

Niall managed to get over the barrier and 50ft into the crowd with his huge lead Iain made for him and most of the crowd were into it, though a few were a bit unsettled. "The band coming into the crowd...I’m not sure about that" - obviously been going to the wrong gigs...think he meant to see Paolo but took a wrong turn.

After packing up we were interviewed for the Scotsman which was fun but a bit weird having people interested in what we have to say!

Nine Inch Nails were seen, beer was consumed, things got messy...


SUNDAY

Niall was woken in the van by Iain seeing if the van would start. It wouldn't. Cue our northern friend and wife to give us a jump start so we could have the engine turning over to stand a chance of actually getting home after Mogwai/Blur.

Everyone was a bit rough but still in good spirits from the previous night’s show.

We packed up all our crap as thought it best to be done early so we could chill out a bit. In fact we left the two Bronto tents in Yellow 4. Pretty sure they will be on eBay for £1.79 any time now ;)

The food in hospitality was pretty good. The chicken and bacon baguette saved us all from an early grave so thanks for that. Caught the Twilight Sad at the BBC Introducing thingy. I say thingy ‘cause it was a bit crap and the bands playing on it should have been on bigger stages...the sound was awful. Or was it due to the fact that we managed to condense our brains into liquid mince the night before? You decide on that.

Also caught Danana, WWPJ, Cassidy (ha ha...no!), Bloc Party, Mogwai and Blur.

By the time the fireworks went up some of us were back at the van and it was breathtaking :)
If only T had used some of the budget on security with some savvy....

So we’re all in the van, ready to get tae fuck and...nothing. You know in Star Wars how Han Solo has to will the Millennium Falcon to start? We tried this but in real life we are nowhere near as cool as Solo so the van proper died! This led to us traipsing the car park to get a jump start. No joy. We even tried pushing it but we just about crashed into a bus so that didn’t work. Eventually a nice guy came and was very patient as it took a while to charge us up. Thank you, that man

When we did start the van it was like an animal on Ready Brek and we boosted back to Glasgow, a bit dazed but with a great sense of achievement.

One of the highlights of the weekend was the security guy with the mega phone at the traffic lights (you know this guy). Give someone a wee bit of power and watch them abuse it! He thought he was the ringleader, the main attraction, he was so cool. Then he shouted at a burley Glaswegian bloke who crossed without permission.

"GET BACK! DO NOT CROSS! WAIT FOR MY SAY SO!!" said Megaphone Guy

"SHUT YOUR FUCKING PISH-HOLE" responded Burley Glaswegian Guy

Niall and Iain xx