Glasgow Comedy Festival Blog - Part II

Comedy for kids, Trevor Nelson and Triffids

I performed at Comedy for Kids on Saturday and survived.  I was unsure what to do with the little darlings and the MC kept saying to me “just do what you would normally but without the swear words.”    Racking my brains, I realised that even without the swearing there was little content that was appropriate for the 6 to 12’s.  Hey kids do you want to hear about how I feel about women?  Hey kids you know when you hate someone so much you want to stab them through the heart, rip it out and make them eat it?  Hey kids have you ever made a grown man cry by laughing at the size of his penis?  The last one isn’t my material but a topic worth discussing.

And even though I don’t need to swear when I do my set, when someone says “don’t say fuck”, all you want to do is say “fuck”.  Every ounce of your being screams “say fuck, say fuck and say it loudly!”.  But I managed it – I think I might have said bugger which was probably bad but managed to smooth it over by pretending to be a super hero called Captain Revenge.  They were lovely anyway – and I am glad I wasn’t performing on the Sunday.  Frankie Boyle was in with his kids and I would have been torn between not swearing and trying to impress Frankie thus ending up swearing. 

Saturday night at WEST was lovely, Reginald D Hunter was headlining and drinking shots of vodka as he did.  Impressive man.  I also had the pleasure of seeing Eleanor Tiernan for the first time – by god she is marvellous.  As a comic who regularly sits through a load of shit it is lovely to see someone for the first time who is funny and smashing off stage as well.  A real treat.  In general at the Festival no one seems to have gone mad yet, and shows seem to be selling well despite the old credit crunch. 

Wanting to avoid comedy for the day I took Sunday off and accidentally got drunk.  I decided to see Watchmen and after three hours of drivel needed a drink.  That turned into several and before I knew it I was at home watching Dancing on Ice.  Rock and Roll.

This week is a busy one, it started off this morning with an appearance on Radio 1 extra’s breakfast show presented by Trevor Nelson.  By god he is a handsome man!  I am as gay as they come but I most certainly would have given half the chance.  Or even less than that.  On Thursday I am taking part in a show about the best sitcom of all time.  Myself and my team mate, Henry Packer, have to present the case that Blackadder is the best sitcom of all time.  Now before you say it I know that there may be others that you like better but each team has been given a show and Blackadder is mine.  You can come along and see me arguing with some famous and funny people – details are here.

Also in case you are stuck for a show to see over the next few days Miles Jupp is on at the Stand on Monday night, Tuesday sees a fabulous St Patrick’s Days special at the Stand, on Wednesday you could avoid Jimmy Carr and instead see Ivan Brackenbury, Joanna Neary or Siân Bevan.  Come Thursday we ramp up to the weekend with a bit of Millican and a touch of Billy Kirkwood. 

On Friday it’s my own show at Blackfriars.  Something I am writing just now.  Except I am alone in my house and I am sure I just heard a noise like the ones the Triffids used to make.  I am quite frightened and may end up staying in this seat until someone comes and rescues me.  If no one does then there is a free room at Blackfriars if anyone needs it.