Who Steals Umbrellas?

It would appear in Edinburgh, everyone is willing to steal an umbrella if the mood is upon them! Who are these heartless brutes who would do such a wicked thing, causing heartbreak to others and more depressingly, make a fellow human walk home becoming drenched in the Edinburgh downpours?

These heartless beasts I talk of are all around us, waiting in the wings to pounce causing destruction to some poor sole. Someone once asked me “where do all the pens we loose go?” an interesting thought this, as it is true where do all those pens we desperately search for leave us for? That’s when it hit me, if you think about it they end up in the same place. People take your pens like they take your umbrellas, without remorse or consideration to the owner. Let me just state its far worse to steal an umbrella, a stolen pen won’t make you look like a drowned rat! Here’s my thought seeing as I have had two umbrellas stolen from me, I think that these vile creatures who have done this store them like squirrels in houses in Edinburgh. Rooms full of umbrellas and pens are right under our noses just sitting laying there lifeless without a purpose, this I am certain of. Im thinking seriously of raiding random houses with the help of the police to find my umbrella’s. I mean I ask you this, how on earth did someone steal my golf umbrella, without me noticing? Who ever did it just isn’t right, and is that not right they don’t even use what they steal they store it.

Edinburgh hasn’t been all doom and gloom for me, even though I had to walk home through the wind and the rain, I had the privilege of seeing the Chippendales for the first time in my life at Frank Skinner’s Credit Crunch Cabaret. It had never been my desire to see them, but there had always been a curiosity to see what all the fuss was about. When I performed at the Cabaret I had the opportunity to see a small tapas amount of them. What I saw shocked me. The whole performance seemed to consist of men gyrating naked infront of furniture and dancing whilst doing so. Now I’ve been doing that for years, but my show just sticks to jokes. I mean I own the physique of a lean young male rather than a built stacked muscle man that seems to have every women swooning. But I live in the knowledge that muscled men can only impress women by opening so many jars for them! I mean if a woman wants a jar open, I can normally do it with a tea towel accompaniment. So who is the real winner? I think those guys, because I did loose two umbrella’s.