The Skinny's Edinburgh Fringe Personality Test

It’s 10am on your first day at the Fringe. What are you doing?

a) You start to queue at a yurt that holds eight people to watch the midday show featuring the Latvian sketch troupe you got drunk with on the Cowgate last night.
b) You head to Snax for a hearty breakfast and to consult your laminated schedule of acts you’ve booked, all of whom you’ve seen recently in WIP shows.
c) You’re still in bed because the one person you’re going to see tonight doesn’t start until 8.30pm and you literally don’t recognise anyone else’s name in the Fringe programme.
d) You’re running late to today’s meet-the-media brunch because you left your business cards back at your Airbnb. 
e) You’re still in bed because you only got to sleep three hours ago. You’re still wearing your cowboy hat and feather boa. 

It’s 2pm. You’re stopped on the street by a 21-year-old performer whose one-woman show blends standup, vaudeville, circus acrobatics, feminist theory and close-up magic. Do you… ?

a) Take a flyer and promise to come to her show at 5pm, with every intention of going. This sounds fucking great. 
b) Take a flyer with no intention of going, but you need a bookmark for the Alexei Sayle biography you’re rereading. 
c) Take a flyer with no intention of going and ask her, is there a Wetherspoons around here?
d) You barge past her as if she doesn’t exist because you’re on your way to a working lunch with that annoying PR who always has good coke. Luckily, the performer is a gymnast, so she lands on her feet. 
e) Take a flyer and throw it in the bin next to the entrance of the Underbelly Beer Garden, before entering. 

It’s 6pm. You see a horde of grown-ass adults wearing headphones, singing Sweet Caroline off-key, dancing badly and generally getting in everyone's way. Do you…?

a) Roll your eyes before queuing up for a secret show that you were told about from a lovely drag queen you met while grabbing a swift pint between shows. 
b) You jot down in your ‘joke ideas’ Moleskine, “write a routine about how terrible silent discos are – no one’s ever thought of that!”
c) You convince your pals to sign up for the next silent disco because you need something to do before your show at 8.30pm.
d) You barge through the happy silent discoers on your way to Pleasance Courtyard, where you’re going to linger next to Phill Jupitus and Josie Long’s table, hoping to eavesdrop on the location of some cool afterparty. 
e) You’re already part of the silent disco but you get kicked out halfway through because you’re sick down someone’s leg in Bristo Square.

It’s 9pm. What are you up to?

a) You’re wolfing down a falafel wrap in the queue for your fifth show of the day – a quartet of students with a raunchy comedy show inspired by the Teletubbies.
b) You’re watching your favourite comedian and laughing a bit too hard at a joke referencing the Chilcot Inquiry.
c) You’re getting roasted by the comedian you’ve paid £74 to see because you’ve arrived 25 minutes late and made your whole row get up while you take your seat.
d) You’re in the Teviot toilets with your DJ friend, rubbing coke into your gums because all the surfaces are filthy. 
e) You have no idea, but you’ve got an urge to karaoke. 

It’s midnight. Where are you headed? 

a) To queue up to see a usually quite boring stand-up who’s appearing as their experimental alter-ego at Banshee Labyrinth. 
b) To queue up to see your favourite standup who’s appearing as their experimental alter-ego at Banshee Labyrinth. You don’t like this change of direction; you prefer when they make jokes about the Chilcot Inquiry.
c) You’re home, watching reruns of Mock the Week, not realising there’s a new series of Mock the Week.
d) You’re trying to sneak into that afterparty you overheard Josie Long talking about, but the bouncer isn’t having it, and he doesn’t care if you know Gyles Brandreth.
e) You’re getting kicked out of a Dionysus-themed cabaret show for being too debauched. 

RESULTS
Mostly As: Fringe chaos monster: You’re drawn to the wild shows that involve lots of audience interaction. Ideally, the comedians are trained by Philippe Gaulier, their shows involve gratuitous levels of nudity and take place after midnight. 

Underground Monk Show, Assembly George Sq Gardens, 5-30 Aug
Lady Bolognese: Class War, Pleasance Courtyard, 5-30 Aug 
Lil Wenker: BOYKING, Pleasance Courtyard, 5-30 Aug
Phil O'Shea: Something About Dogs, Monkey Barrel Studio, 17-20 Aug
Rob Duncan: Printer of the Year, Underbelly George Square, 5-30 Aug

Mostly Bs: Fringe comedy pseud: You prefer comedy that makes you think rather than makes you laugh. If it’s described as influenced by Stewart Lee in the brochure, you’re there. 

Daniel Kitson: Thrum, Queen’s Hall, 17-21 Aug
Nate Kitch Replica, Gilded Balloon Patter House, 5-30 Aug
Jordan Brookes: The Part of You That’s Always Screaming, Pleasance Dome, 5-30 Aug
Rosie Holt: The Illegal Aliens Have Landed!, Pleasance Courtyard, 5-30 Aug (not 24)
Pierre Novelli, Okay, One More Then Bedtime, Monkey Barrel, 5-29 Aug

Mostly Cs: Fringe goer who likes to watch folk off the telly: If you’ve not seen them on 8 Out of 10 Cats or Live at the Apollo, you’re not interested.

Nish Kumar: Angry Humour From a Really Nice Guy (WiP), Monkey Barrel, 6-30 Aug
Larry Dean: Hellbent, Pleasance Courtyard, 5-30 Aug
Sara Pascoe: For One Night Only, McEwan Hall, 5 Aug
Rosie Jones: I Can’t Tell What She’s Saying, Pleasance Courtyard, 5-30 Aug
Sophie Duker: Hot Beef Injection, Pleasance Courtyard, 5-30 Aug (not Wednesdays)

Mostly Ds: Fringe lanyard class: You feel a smug sense of superiority that you have a card around your neck that gets you into the ‘secret members' club’, i.e. the back room of the student union. 

Brook’s Bar, Pleasance Dome (named after a dog)
Abattoir Bar, Underbelly
Library Bar, Teviot Gilded Balloon
So You Think You’re Funny? Final
Fest Launch Party, People’s Leisure Club & Gilded Saloon, 4 Aug

Mostly Es: Fringe party animals: You’re mostly here to drink £8 pints in beer gardens and belt out Whitney songs at the midnight cabaret

Stamptown, Assembly George Sq Gardens, 6-30 Aug
Late’n’Live, Gilded Balloon, 7-31 Aug
Not Another Quiz Night, Gilded Balloon Teviot, 5-30 Aug (not Mon) 
Hot Dub Time Machine, Assembly Hall, 20-30 Aug (not 24-26)
House of Life, Udderbelly, Underbelly, 5-30 Aug (not 17, 24)