Come Flyer With Me: John Robertson

The first time I ever tried to give somebody a flyer, they punched me in the chest.

“Hello!” I yelled, “Comedy?!”

WHACK! His fist hit my sternum.

Did he take the flyer? Yes.

Was it half- way through a festival? Yes.

Was he sick of walking to work every morning and getting a sales pitch all the way there? Absolutely.

There’s a moment during the Fringe when the novelty of receiving a constant stream of promo material suddenly wears off. About two weeks in, the idea of having another wannabe Berkoff remain “in- character” while offering tickets to an all-amputee production of Waiting for Godot starts to grate.

Normally decent people will suddenly become enraged by well- meant invitations to productions that only prove university education can’t build charisma. As a performer, I should be filled with empathy… but I’m not. I had a woman run up to me on the last day of Fringe 2010. She was sweating and exhausted and dressed as a chipmunk. “Come to my show!” she yelled. “I’m an act.” I replied.

You never forget the first time you see a giant chipmunk scream “BOLLOCKS!”

So, this year, I’ll be yelling my sales pitch until it’s halfway through the fest. Then I’ll just start smiling at people and trying to be as human as possible. Maybe I’ll sell some tickets - maybe I won’t get punched. God helps those who help themselves…

… unless they’re dressed as chipmunks.

John Robertson will be upsetting children and small mammals with Blood & Charm: Disturbing Tales For Disturbing Bedtimes at Assembly Hall, 10.30pm. His "Dragon Punch" show is part of the Free Festival at The Hive, 6.20pm