The Dullest Blog: Comedy ramblings to inspire the dullest moments of your week

The festival is a jolly time. Why would anyone ever dare to think otherwise? You can convince yourself that you are busy if you are only working for a total of just two or three hours a day. It’s amazing. And people are sympathetic. They say “Gosh, you must be very busy”, or ”Lordy, you must be tired”. And you reply “Well yes, actually, I really am. This is relentless. Could you book me a massage and fetch me a fruit smoothie?”

I know, deep down, that I am not really busy. Some people, though, are genuinely convinced that they are. These are people who you only ever bump into in bars at three in the morning, who’ve drunk fourteen times their own body weight of some dubious sponsor’s liqueur having spent the afternoon updating their facebook profiles via iphone whilst sitting at the back of shows. These are always the people who claim to be the most shattered.

“It’s just unbe-bloody-lievable. I’ve been run off my feet all sodding day. I really shouldn’t be out tonight, I mean I was up and sending emails at half past eleven this morning. I don’t know why I do this. This is why I always have to go on holiday for the whole of September. Otherwise my body would just give up on me. I’m just so bloody exhausted.”

I reckon a lot of people would save themselves quite a bit of energy if they just wore fewer security passes around their necks. Or went home an early night, and didn’t worry about missing one evening’s worth of shitty gossip. You’re tired because you’re having fun, you big silly-pants! Don’t be ashamed!

You can see Miles in Miles Jupp: Telling It Like It Might Be, Gilded Balloon Teviot 8pm every day until 30 August (not 17)