The Amazing Bastards' Amazing Column

Have you ever met Hulk Hogan? Taken salsa classes in Havana? Had a rap battle with an Amish man in downtown Toronto? Made a group of Swedish pensioners on a bus cry by playing them Scottish music? Had Christmas bells attached to your foreskin whilst your girlfriend wanked you off to the tune of jingle bells? Shat a happy face and showed a friend? Dislodged your Adam's apple? Been in a tank of sharks with Jackie Chan? Pulled one of your used condoms out of your flatmates dog's anus (after it had eaten it)? Or fisted a Goth?

If you can answer yes to one or more of the above questions then the chances are you are one of the amazing bastards that were in the audience at the last The Amazing Bastards show. For as amazing and as bastardly as we The Amazing Bastards are it is the audience, at The Amazing Bastards, that are the really amazing bastards. Why in comparison we, The Amazing Bastards, are merely Fantastic Shits.

And so it has come to pass that we, The Amazing Bastards (or Fantastic Shits) are taking our sacred quest, to find and crown the bastard of bastards, to the Glasgow Comedy Festival. If you think you have what it takes to be an audience member (are you amazing, a bastard or even an amazing bastard?) then we beseech ye to attend and in return we may, or may not, entertain you with the very best in half-assed, unrehearsed, ill-conceived comedy, piss poor sketches, offensive characters and misanthropic stand up that you will ever have the good misfortune to witness...

And if you don't like any of that then The Amazing Bastards known as Teddy and Steven will get their amazingly tiny cocks out! Right out!!