The Skinny on... John-Luke Roberts

What’s your favourite place to visit and why?
My grandparents’ old cottage in the countryside – it feels like safety. I know this is publicising a comedy show, but I think my answers are largely going to be sincere – rest assured though, the show is very funny.

Favourite food and why?
Ramen, I think. Edible, drinkable, it’s every type of meal in one. It’s even got an egg in it, which means it’s technically also breakfast.

Favourite colour and why?
Big fan of colours generally, especially bright ones. If I had to narrow it down to one I’d maybe go with a nice, warm yellow (because I am looking at my nice, warm yellow sofa). I’m very fond of seafoam, but that’s my ex-spouse’s favourite colour, so I’m worried that my attachment to the colour might just be a slightly toxic way of keeping a wound open. Yeah, on second thoughts, fuck seafoam! Seafoam broke my heart!

Who was your hero growing up?
Not seafoam, that’s for damn sure. 

Whose work inspires you now?
Sisyphus. What a trooper.

What three people would you invite to your dinner party and what are you cooking?
I would invite Snap, Crackle and Pop. I would prepare a bowl of Crunchy Nut cornflakes, just to see the looks on their faces. Huh, maybe the answers *aren’t* going to be sincere.

What’s your all time favourite album?
The Soundtrack to Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. 

What’s the worst film you’ve ever seen?
It would be a dead heat between Man of Steel and Prometheus, but I first saw Man of Steel in the cinema ON MY BIRTHDAY, so that pips it. 

Who or what makes you laugh the most?
I once spent half an hour laughing at an aubergine. I don’t know why – it was quite a normal-looking aubergine. I then felt very resentful, because I’d spent quite a lot of money on training at clown school, and here was a completely untrained vegetable knocking it out the park. 

Who’s the worst?
I can’t pick just one, that’s not fair. 

When did you last cry?
I cry all the time, but I’ve just realised I haven’t cried for a few weeks actually, so the first thing I’ll do when I finished writing this is make myself cry.

What are you most scared of?
I was thinking about what the scariest thing would be, and I thought “well people are really scared of snakes and spiders, so a snake with spider’s legs would be the scariest thing ever” but actually, on reflection, I think that would be less scary than both. Spiders are maybe scary because they have so many legs, and snakes are maybe scary because they don’t have any – so combining them would cancel them out and create the least scary creature ever. 

When did you last vomit and why?
I think it was a good few years ago, after eating a steak tartare in Portugal. The weather was too good for raw steak to be a good idea. 

Tell us a secret?
No.

Which celebrity could you take in a fight?
Elmo, depending how strong the person whose hand he’s on is. 

If you could be reincarnated as an animal, which animal would it be?
For sure a bird of some kind. I was thinking an eagle, but on second thoughts, a little bird might be better. I could flit about more and people would leave me food in tubes in the garden. 

What’s your favourite plant?
Big old trees.

What's your least favourite thing of 2024?
The sense of encroaching doom. OK, I’m gonna cry now.

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Geoffrey Chaucer’s Mediaeval Christmas Festivitye!, Monkey Barrel, Edinburgh, 8 Dec, 8pm, £15

Follow John-Luke Roberts on Instagram and Bluesky at @jlukeroberts