Ghetto Fabulous

First, some bad news; Edinburgh nightlife is still a bit up itself. Aspirational affectations remain part and parcel of many of the capital’s sleazespots: the £4.50 pint; the precious, screeching adjectives you’d otherwise find in a bad Ab Fab repeat (It’s boutique! It’s baroque! It’s luxury!); the idea that a club must also be a hotel/restaurant/aquarium/Faberge Egg emporium.

But, since you’re reading this, and not spitting and cursing because we’re describing your favourite watering hole, like, evar, then like us, you’re evidently not game for wallowing in the olfactory purgatory of strawberry daiquiris and Fake Bake, or dressing like you’re going for a job interview at a Fortune 500, are you? Good, because opportunities to shake off the ennui abound this August, in the time when the city breaks free of its gilded cage and puts its best beer-sodden foot forward.

And, given Edinburgh’s nascent reputation for its stellar dubstep nights, where better to start than with the granddaddy of them all? Volume, the capital’s longest-running dubstep soiree, hosts a free shindig at the small-but-perfectly-formed Sneaky Pete’s on Saturday 7 August. Residents Termite, G-Mac, Paranoise and Brian D’Souza will be on hand to make your feet tap like the biologically improbable bastard child of Gene Kelly and Michael Flatley.

Eschewing any sort of riff on a Singing In The Rain/Riverdance techno mashup (cough–doit–cough), we turn our attentions to the Soma Party hosted by one of Edinburgh’s most venerable bass bunkers, Cabaret Voltaire. On Saturday 20 August, Slam, Funk D’Void and Harvey McKay will dovetail with a set from Telefunken residents Alan Gray and Nick Wilson in Room 2.

Prior to that, Cabaret Voltaire also host Glasgow music/art/party collective LuckyMe; having held down an entire evening at Sonar festival until ridiculous o’clock in the morning, 5am parties won’t come much better than the third annual LuckyMe Festival Party on Friday 13 August. An exhaustive list of men and women who will make you dance and lose your shit follows: Hudson Mohawke, Jackmaster, The Blessings, Eclair Fifi, Dema, Joe Respite, Jay Prada, Dougal from 7VWWVW (remember when you used to type in ‘BOOBS’ on your calculator?) and Jamie Spectrum.

Speaking of boobs an’ that, Confusion Is Sex, the all-singing, all-dancing (with, ahem, strap-ons) crown jewel of the Edinburgh nightscape, offers a double helping of its unique brand of sensual sensory indulgence. Gamma Ray Dali ‘n’ them invite curious revellers and die-hards alike to The Bongo Club on Friday 6 August, featuring industrial quantities of groove from The Glitch DJs, Gary Mac of We Are...Electric and Wasabi Disco impresario Kris Walker. CIS’s follow up party on Friday 20 August moves to Electric Circus, where you’ll find esoteric punters kitted out in manga, visual kei, gothic Lolita and decora. No, neither did we, until an exploratory look on Google revealed that failure to resemble an S&M loving J-Pop singer getting pagared in a wind tunnel will result in you being told where to go. Probably George Street.

Lastly, we’d like to tell you about our own festival rave at Assembly (Princes Street Gardens), Local Takeover, on Wednesday 11 August. Some of our favourite Edinburgh DJs – that’s Hostage, Anarkid, Bargain Harold & i-Tallah Disco – will soundtrack visual delights from The Freaky Brides and a performance costume show from the Edinburgh College of Art. Hope to see you there for a dance and a swalley.