The best Valentine's events in the North

And since Valentine's Day itself falls on a Tuesday, the festivities get going the weekend prior, with plenty of Valentine's discos, date-friendly gigs and even a Prosecco-fuelled gallery view to choose from before the 14th comes around. By then, you can just slack off and curl up under the duvet with a movie – which is what you wanted to do all along, right? 

Valentine's club nights and parties

The Most Depressing Night of Your Life: Power Ballad Disco @ Aatma, Manchester, 10 Feb 

Valentine's Day is a load of shit when you're not feeling it. Join friends and favourites in a big fuck-you to schmaltz at this launch party for Queer Contact festival – and expect lung-busting tunes from the likes of Bonnie Tyler and Bon Jovi. From 11pm, £6 

HomoElectric vs Savage DJs @ Hidden, Manchester, 11 Feb 

Where better to get the blood pumping than at Manchester's hottest (in both senses of the word) disco? The famously loved-up and inclusive vibes of HomoElectric make for an ideal Valentine's pre-party, with residents Gina Breeze, Will Tramp, and Jamie Bull going head-to-head – affectionately, of course – with the Savage DJs. From 10pm, £12 

La Discothéque with Todd Terje and Dimitri From Paris @ Albert Hall, Manchester, 11 Feb

Hug your loved ones tight to the big, happy sounds of Nordic disco prince Todd Terje, at the latest instalment of Albert Hall's ambitious 'La Discothéque' series. Terje is joined by slinky producer Dimitri From Paris, plus a live set from Odyssey. From 8pm, £28.50 

Single Ladies @ Wire, Leeds, 14 Feb

Raising a finger to Valentine's Day in Leeds is Wire's night of 'nothing but the hardest jams from the industry's hardest-hitting ladies'. Expect Bey, Tinashe, Nicki Minaj and other such independent women. From 11pm, £2

Fine Wine @ The Deaf Institute, Manchester, 14 Feb

Since dancehall is inarguably the world's sexiest music, Valentine's Day seems like the perfect date to head to Fine Wine, a new weekly fixture at The Deaf Institute spinning Jamaica's finest export, plus reggaeton, afropop and more. From 10pm, £4.50

A Valentine's date for art lovers

Feast of St Valentine @ Tate Liverpool, 11 Feb

What could be more romantic than gazing upon Tracey Emin's dishevelled, condom-strewn bed? Honestly though, Tate Liverpool's Emin and William Blake In Focus exhibition is rather excellent, particularly for Blake's early etchings and the opportunity to see his most iconic pieces up close. Tonight you can enjoy a private view of the exhibition after a chilled glass of bubbly in the foyer, then mosey along to a three-course dinner in the gallery cafe. 7pm, £55

For music lovers

Nadia Reid @ The Deaf Institute, 13 Feb

Cosy up for Valentine's Eve – that's a thing, right? – with the eloquent folk songs of New Zealander Nadia Reid, exploring ideas of love, loss and life. 7pm, £10 

Classy cocktails and Valentine's drinks

Valentine Special @ Matt and Phreds, Manchester, 14 Feb 

Ain't no better way to woo than through the medium of smooth-ass live jazz. Matt and Phreds' Valentine Special offers that very possibility, with the Charlie Cooper Quartet heading up an evening of romantic tunes, complete with M&P's famous pizzas. From 6pm (gig 9pm), free 

Valentine's Day @ The Fitzgerald, Manchester, 14 Feb

Get your Gatsby on at The Fitzgerald, Manchester's 1920s-style drinking den, with live music at 7.30pm and 9pm.

Something a little different

Till Death Do Us Part @ Camp and Furnace, Liverpool, 14 Feb

In this immersive, themed mystery night, you'll be a witness to the wedding of Andrew Sassin and Maria Fox, whoever they are – but let's just say things don't exactly go to plan. Enjoy a four-course menu finishing on a deconstructed black forest gateau while the wedding reception deconstructs around you... 7pm, £25

Share The Love @ Junkyard Golf Club, Manchester, 14 Feb 

Stop being so bloody self-involved and play a round of golf at Junkyard Golf Club this Valentine's Day – all proceeds from tickets will be donated to charity projects in Malawi. From 4pm, prices here

Valentine's under the stars @ Grizedale Forest, 14 Feb 

Leg it up to the Lake District for an evening spotting constellations and the Milky Way through powerful telescopes, guided by astronomer Robert Ince. We're also promised you'll be shown 'how to find all sorts of heavenly objects for yourself'. Ooh-er. 7.30pm, £10 

Valentine's film screenings

The Fly – Valentine's Day Special @ Hyde Park Picture House, Leeds, 11 Feb 

Jeff Goldblum topless x Cronenbergian body-horror = the height of romance. 11pm, £5-£7

Casablanca Valentine's film screening with classic cocktails @ Kosmonaut, Manchester, 12 Feb

Northern Quarter bar Kosmonaut gets all theme-y with a screening of Casablanca. Your ticket includes a choice of classic cocktail and there's a Casablanca-inspired menu on offer to hide your face in when getting all misty-eyed to Bogart and Bergman's love story. 4pm, £12 

LoveTrue @ FACT, Liverpool, 14 Feb 

Israeli-American director Alma Har’el tackles the concept of true love by zooming in on the stories of three young people – an Alaskan stripper, a Hawaiian surfer and a young black woman in New York – in this visually stunning, genre-bending film. 6pm, £7-£10

High Fidelity @ Band on the Wall, Manchester, 14 Feb

Follow the story of everybody's favourite sadsack John Cusack as he navigates his failed love life to a great indie soundtrack in this adaptation of Nick Hornby's popular novel. 7pm, £3 

Romeo + Juliet and Heathers @ Gorilla, Manchester, 14 Feb 

The RAD Screenings crew stay true to their name with a double bill of Baz Luhrmann's Romeo + Juliet (the dreamy DiCaprio version) and 80s classic black comedy Heathers. 7pm, £6 

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Have we missed anything? Let us know: events@theskinny.co.uk