Ask Auntie Trash: This Review is Bad

Dear Trash,

My boyfriend is an actor, and he was recently in a play that toured nationally, and got mostly good reviews.

However, he got one really bad review, and it singled him out and it really brought him down. He’s a great actor, a fantastic person, an amazing boyfriend, and I just don’t think the review reflects that. I want to make him happy and have the review changed, what can I do? 

Yours, 

Actor’s GF

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Uh, hey,

I’m going to do a thing here, it’s called a ‘Compliment Sandwich’, it’s where I say something nice to start, put something negative in the middle and end on something nice. 

First of all, hats off to your boyfriend for getting a part in a touring play, it sounds like he had quite a big role, and he should be really proud of himself for getting it. It’s tough out there, kudos to you, unnamed actor.

Now to the gristle: what is it that you want? Maybe your boyfriend is a good actor, maybe the reviewer was unfair? Maybe your boyfriend was having a bad day and forgot how to act? Were you there? How do you know the critic was unfair? 

Listen, babe, I’m sure your boyfriend is just great, you sound like an absolute darling, trying to find out how to help. I think that’s incredibly sweet and I want nothing bad to happen to you, like, ever. But, girl, there’s not a lot that you can do to make him happy, besides be a shoulder to cry on right now. I know that is probably very difficult to hear, but trust me on this. 

As much as you want to fight this battle for him, you can’t, because this isn’t about you, it’s about him. Specifically, it’s about him as a professional actor, which is what the critic will have been judging him on. I mean, I’m sure he’s a nice person and all, but that doesn’t matter when it comes to a review. They could be the nicest person on earth, or a complete and utter cunt, but as soon as they step on the stage, they are someone else entirely, and that is all that matters.

Without reading the review, and without seeing the play, I can’t have an opinion on this. However, I would urge your boyfriend to think about what he wants to do. If he feels that the review contains errors that can be easily corrected, like, the writer spelled his name wrong, or they said he delivered a line incorrectly when he did not, he can contact the critic to let them know. And for the love of God, don’t email the critic on his behalf; some of the worst emails I’ve had have been from partners, relatives and friends of a performer/director whom they believe I have somehow slighted. He has to fight his own battles here; he’s a big boy now. 

You can't ask the publication to take down the review without a really fucking good reason. Really Fucking Good Reasons include: issues with the production – major technical failures, someone became unwell, or the show had to be cancelled, then, the company are within their rights (in my honest opinion) to ask that the critic return on another date to review it again. Although, from your email, it sounds like the tour has finished and this is unlikely.

And finally, the last piece of bread: the main thing is, if the critic was telling the truth, and this was one bad review in amongst scores of positive reviews, then, does it matter? Does it really matter?

The answer is, no. It doesn’t have to matter. Some of the best actors in the world have been completely eviscerated in reviews, but they got up, dusted themselves off and kept going. That is what your boyfriend needs to do, and what you need to let him do; keep going.

Love,

Trashie xxx