The Equality Network's Best and Worst Fictional Bisexuals

The Equality Network's Top 5 Fictional Bisexuals, in no particular order:

1. Duffy of Going to the Dogs by Dan Kavanagh. Duffy is the great bisexual anti-hero of the detective novels written by Julian Barnes under this pseudonym.

2. Several characters, The Story of the Stone by Cao Xueqin. This great 18th century Chinese novel presents an interesting, non-Western conception of sexuality, with the bisexuality of most of the male characters taken as a given.

3. The poetic speaker, Shakespeare's sonnets. Sonnet 20 gives but one example: "A woman's face with Nature's own hand painted/ Hast thou, the master-mistress of my passion."

4. Alice Pieszecki, The L Word. Played by Leisha Hailey, ex of kd lang, Alice is one of the best things about this series. Alice's motto: "I follow the heart, not the anatomy."

5. Sparrow, Dykes to Watch Out For by Alison Bechdel. Director of a women's shelter, earthy-crunchy Sparrow's identity shifted from lesbian to bisexual after meeting the lovely Stuart in this long-running comic strip.

The Equality Network's Bottom 5 Fictional Bisexuals, still in no particular order:

1. Various members of the criminal element, Midsomer Murders. Have you noticed that if there's a bisexual in Midsomer Murders they're always the murderer? And have no other motive other than being bisexual?

2. Catherine Tramell, Basic Instinct. An obvious choice, fitting in quite well with the above: bisexuality clearly makes murder suspect Sharon Stone desperate enough to sleep with Michael Douglas in an acrylic-blend jumper, and a bit too free with the ice-pick.

3. Cristal Connors, Showgirls. Cristal's manipulative personality is revealed by her opportunistic use of her bisexuality to throw off-balance her competition for Number One Stripper in Vegas. Say what? Written by Joe Eszterhas (as was Basic Instinct), who clearly has some issues with bisexual women.

4. Mr Sloane, Entertaining Mr Sloane, by Joe Orton. The titular character of this controversial 1964 stage play is the classic manipulative bisexual. Yawn!

5. Dr. Frank N. Furter, The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Much as we admire Frank's ability to seduce uptight Brad and virginal Janet (and how great his legs look in suspenders) we have to give this one the thumbs-down, as Frank murders Eddie with an ice-pick in a jealous rage and then serves him up for dinner. What's with the ice picks?