The Watcher

I’m a girl who likes porn. Yes, the sight of two slightly vacant, hairless people shagging each other senseless can turn me on. Sex excites me and the thought of another couple having filthy sex excites me - but would I actually get turned on watching a real-life couple have sex right in front of me?

I placed an advert for a couple who’d help me find out. I got a lot of replies, and duly sifted through various maniacs, old-timers and people who composed their emails in textspeak.

“Prof cpl who have done this b4 but would love 2 do again lol”

Why are you laughing? Stop pretending to text me.

I finally spoke with Jamie and Lisa, who seemed to fit the bill: attractive, mid 30’s, and as new to this as I was. We arranged to meet that week. They booked the hotel and I began to get a little nervous.

The evening arrived and we met in the hotel bar for a drink. Although the conversation wasn’t in any way awkward, I felt a bit odd. Was I going to witness something which would give me nightmares rather than the horn?

Once upstairs, Jamie closed the curtains and they both sat on the bed. I sat on a great big chair like Ronnie fucking Corbett, wishing that I’d worn my contacts instead of my glasses to make it less obvious I wanted perfect vision for this. As they started kissing I immediately felt like a big old pervert and wondered what the hell I was doing. Would it be rude to run away screaming?

I was very aware of my presence, as were they, and I had a million questions popping into my head. “What should I do with my hands?” “Is this a smoking room?” “If I can’t get a good enough look should I stand up, or is that just taking the piss?”

At one point I did almost laugh out loud, but purely because my mind was in overdrive and from a certain angle Jamie’s cock looked a bit like a root vegetable. I started saying “one potato, two potato ...” in my head over and over. Thankfully, biting my lip until it hurt stifled any giggles.

I must admit that as they got more into it, so did I. I don’t know how much of the act was for my benefit but they fucked like pros and most importantly genuinely seemed to be enjoying it. I didn’t touch myself, stand up or even speak, but I was transfixed, and my initial embarrassment was quickly replaced by complete fascination and a desire to join in. Not wanting to turn it into another threesome adventure, I sat on my hands and watched quietly until they finished.

They lay back in bed, she lit a cigarette (it was a smoking room – bugger) and, not wanting to kill the buzz, I asked them to keep in touch and left rather sheepishly.

This is something I’d definitely explore further, either by joining in or by having a partner with me and seeing what develops.

I will, however, never look at a potato again in the same light.