Are you perving responsibly?

BDSM is nothing new. BDSM has existed since people learned to flash a cheeky wink and aim a paddle. What is new, however, is the culture of BDSM entering the mainstream. And spank me, it's been a long time coming (pardon the pun).

I have radical politics, I dye my hair red, I enjoy kinks and the like. But until this month I’d never been to a BDSM/fetish night. Now I’m a novice turned evangelical. Why am I converted? I’ll be honest; I’m converted because I’m sick of ordinary club nights being breeding grounds for oppressive norms to come to the fore. I don’t want to expect to be sexually harassed in clubs, I want to be able to wear what I like without judgment. I want change. Experiencing my first fetish night at Torture Garden in The Caves has left me wondering just how general clubbing could be transformed by injecting a little of the philosophy of BDSM nights.

For those who are unaware of the name, Torture Garden is a club night held in The Caves every three months. Throughout the night you'll see performers, an array of kink rooms, DJs, a fashion show, and some of the best-dressed people you’ll see in Edinburgh. Although launched in the 80s, it has been celebrated as a place of pilgrimage for the famous and the kinky ever since. Famous attendees include Dita Von Teese, Jean Paul Gaultier, Courtney Love. People of all shapes, colours, sizes, ages (18-60+), genders, sexual orientations and those who identify as non-binary are united for one night of sexual exploration and deviance.

Firstly, it's clear that clubbing should appropriate the creativity of fetish nights. At Torture Garden, the sheer effort put into punters' wild and gorgeous costumes lent an atmosphere of mutual reverence and respect. I’ll admit, I was apprehensive at first. A BDSM night virgin, I had no idea what was on the cards. But soon enough my worries were dispelled. As I approached the door of Torture Garden I was greeted by a sassy woman who surveyed my outfit, complimented me and promptly welcomed me in – it felt great, I felt empowered. BDSM had thrown its arms around me and promised never to let me go (unless asked to do so).

Within The Caves I was met with the sight of the most beautiful outfits and costumes I’d ever seen. Such energy and application made it clear that the clubbers had been eagerly anticipating the night since their taxi home from their last Torture Garden experience. The welcoming ceremony of acceptance between everyone was something incredible. No judgment – just a cave full of people having a glamorous shindig and expressing themselves in any damn way they wanted.

The second benefit of partying BDSM style? Code of conduct. Responsible perving. The Torture Garden website states that ‘touching anyone without permission or any form of harassment of any kind is strictly forbidden’. When was the last time you heard a club nights protecting its customers with such explicit rules? The uniqueness of Torture Garden's etiquette left me feeling respected and appreciated, but also liberated. And I wasn't the only one. During the night many trans women and people in drag commented on how they felt this was one of the only spaces in Edinburgh that was inclusive enough for them to feel like they could properly enjoy themselves. In Torture Garden gender binaries are a thing of the past.

I will uncompromisingly argue that there's a lot to be learned in regular clubs through observation of the way BDSM nights treat their clientele. Club nights shouldn't be governed by attempts to turn crumpled fivers into liquid profits. Surely the primary objective of a club should be striving to ensure that people have the most enjoyable and safe experience possible? BDSM events such as Torture Garden are not only an incredible experience, but also an opportunity to re-assess how we perceive the gender politics of clubbing.

Why has it taken us so long to listen to the BDSM community?

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More from The Skinny:

Erotic Explorers: A Beginner's Guide to the World of BDSM

Meninism: Just like feminism, except really shit

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