No strings attached

Writing a column of this nature has been a lot of fun, but it´s also ensured that anyone who knows me will not sleep with me for fear of being ‘reviewed’. This column isn’t about rating men or how good they are in bed, it’s about me experimenting and generally making a complete tit out of myself along the way.

My last fuck buddy is now winging his way across the world (not because of me, I might add - what a crushing blow to self-esteem that would be) and the only other current possibility has selfishly decided to get himself a rather lovely girlfriend, so again I find myself without a playmate.

Most of my liaisons have been with men I’ve known or become friendly with, which unfortunately means that occasionally feelings have gotten in the way (both mine and theirs), so I decided to make my next challenge simple. Sex with strangers. No names, no messy connections, just sex.

So, making use of my internet connection (for something other than Twitter) I began checking personal ads for men looking for similar. In theory this should have been easy; however, the problem is not finding someone to sleep with, it’s finding someone who´s attractive, discreet, and most importantly won’t decide you look better in the boot of his car.

The personal ads are full of men looking to meet women for some ‘NSA’ sex and I think they all replied to my advert at once. The difference between what men and women look for became crystal clear from the 40 cock shots I received with no indication of what their owners actually looked like. I can’t make a decision based on a webcam photo of a penis – I don’t fancy a penis, I fancy the face and body it’s attached to.

A week later I found David: handsome, worked in the arts and seemed to share my no-bullshit approach. We chatted for a while over e-mail and I felt confident enough to meet him. We met at his place and ended up having rather frantic sex on his couch while Metallica played loudly on his stereo. The sex was good, he was very nice and quite sexy, but something was missing. The physical attraction was there but it just felt empty. On the way home it dawned on me exactly what was missing. It was that messy, complicated connection I’d been so eager to avoid.

I’m sure there are a lot of people who do this successfully, but I need that spark you get with someone before you actually decide to have sex. Perhaps for men it’s purely physical, although I don’t want to generalise, but for me I have to be mentally excited as well as physically, and I wasn’t. It’s not arousing to know that I could have been just anyone.

I’m wondering if I’d feel this way in a group setting. Only one way to find out I guess...