Let's Go Outside, I Know You Want To!

I’ve spent most of my sexual life on my back in bed: nice and safe, away from prying eyes and completely risk free.

As I write this column and look back at previous sexual partners and encounters, I seem to have gravitated towards the same kind of sexual bore (no toys, no bottoms, no fun) which makes me want to scream and screw the nearest deviant. I want an element of risk but more importantly, I want some bloody excitement.

I’ve always fantasised about having sex outside; I’m not talking about dogging or anything too risqué, but the thought of being watched or even caught sends a naughty little shiver up my spine. The closest I’ve ever come to outdoor activities is fumbling around in a phone box with an ex boyfriend. It was cramped, smelly and he was hardly Superman.

So my next plan was simple (as all good plans usually are).

Sex.

Outside.

Jeremy is a busy boy and having left several “ravage me in a car park” voicemails on his mobile one day with no response, I gave up and went out for drinks after work with Stuart, my very handsome colleague and ex-boyfriend of my friend Lynne. Stuart has the most perfect mouth and nervously bites his lip every so often, which drives me insane. It usually takes all my strength and willpower not to jump across the desk and lick his face. We had been friends for a while and always had a bit of a spark between us but he was always a no-go area, given his history with my friend and the fact that I try not to sleep with people I work with in case it’s god-awful or they think I’m fat and tell everyone.

So to cut a long, Jack Daniel's filled, story short, I ended up in an alleyway behind a club, jeans round my ankles, grabbing on to a jaggy wire fence, having a very public shag. It was exciting, passionate, deliciously quick and absolutely, effing freezing. I felt incredibly sexy and very, very naughty. I’m impressed he managed, given the sub-zero temperatures, but he did. Exceptionally well.

So with a vow of discretion and a goodbye look which lasted a little too long we parted company and have gone back to idle chit-chat in the office. Well, along with the occasional filthy email.

This has definitely been my favourite challenge so far and was better than I’d expected. I’m not sure if it was the danger element, the booze or just Stuart’s lip biting which thrilled me the most but as soon as I track down Jeremy, I intend to make this a regular event.