Opinion: On Sex Work Customer Service

Most people who have never used the services of a sex worker – and, regrettably, sometimes even those who have – are under the impression that what we do is 'easy money'. They believe that we are lazy good-for-nothings who are allergic to 'proper' work, and they have little respect for us. There is, however, a very good reason why we charge such high prices for the sexual acts we are willing to perform, and it's only partly because we sleep with people we would often prefer not to for money. In my opinion, it's not my clients’ demands on my body which justify the price, but their expectation that I will stroke their egos just as much as I stroke their cocks.

The cynical amongst you will no doubt point out that sex work is essentially a customer service industry and that I, like any other customer service employee, should just accept the 'customer is king' mantra. But this point of view fails to take into account that there is actually a considerable difference between working, say, in a deli and serving salami, and slapping somebody else’s salami for a living. Deli employees are expected to be friendly and treat their customers with respect and courtesy, but that is really all we ask of them. You will never find the wee Saturday girl in Peckhams standing at the counter, holding onto the hand of an adoring customer and being bombarded with questions: Do you love serving me salami? Is this the biggest and best piece of salami you’ve ever seen? Would it be possible to get some extra salami for free? Would you like to meet after work so we can enjoy my big salami together?

"Do you love serving me salami?  Is this the biggest and best piece of salami you’ve ever seen? Would it be possible to get some extra salami for free?"

Deli customers understand that the Saturday girl, no matter how pleasant she may be, views them only as customers, and that salami-selling is a mere transaction for her. She, lucky girl, will never have to turn down customers who constantly ask her out, and who simply cannot understand that she should not want to spend time with people as fascinating and good-looking as they are!

In the erotic massage industry, men want to buy an hour of fantasy and flattery just as much as they want the massage itself. I really don’t mind boosting the egos of men who are lonely, depressed or just simply nice people, but every so often, I come across some arsehole who thinks the world revolves around him, and who brings this attitude with him onto my massage table. A more savvy, business-minded erotic masseuse might just grin and play along in the hope that he will become a repeat customer, but I just cannot bear the idea of this. It seems manipulative and fake, and if there’s anything that makes my job bearable, then it’s striving to forge some genuine connection with my clients, no matter how small and insignificant.

My aversion to stroking the male ego stems from my belief that insincere flattery – and not sex! – is the most non-feminist act for any sex worker. I have never felt demeaned by being paid to perform a sexual act on a man, but it is humiliating to be expected to simper, coo and just generally dumb myself down to be successful in this trade. I am an intelligent, well-educated woman and, if I have to hide that to turn a man on, then, well, he can just fuck off. I would probably make far more money if I laid the flattery on thick but, luckily, there are still plenty clients who appreciate my wisdom/wanking combo.