The Dirty Dozen - May 2010: Bronto Skylift Takeover

Liars - The Overachievers (Mute Records, 24 May)
Niall [five seconds in]: I'm thinking 80s Matchbox [B-Line Disaster] here.
Iain: It's got a Queens Of The Stone Age feel to it, particularly with that false ending there.
Niall: Nine out of ten. Can you say this was a very close runner up?

Jacob Yates and the Pearly Gate Lockpickers - When You Left Me (Lucky Number Nine Records, 24 May)
Iain [reading press release]: A 'Doom Wop' epic, what's Doom Wop? Fucking hell, this says it's about the night the guy's dad died!
Paul: Jacob and the chap on keys were in Uncle John and Whitelock - brilliant band.
Iain: A nice 'ending' song, maybe for the closing credits of The Full Monty?
Niall: What? For when you whop your cock out?
Iain: Doom Whop it out? The organ's nice, very Nick Cave. Seven.

Slow Club - Giving Up On Love (Moshi Moshi, 24 May)
Niall: I saw these guys a while ago. The girl plays the drums by hitting a chair.
[Song starts with meaty drum kick, definitely not a chair]
Niall: Oh! I feel quite happy listening to this. It sounds as though it could go on a tampax advert.
Iain: Nah, it's more a yogurt soundtrack. If Petit Filous are going to add a 'crunch corner' this is the tune to soundtrack it, that's why I'm giving it an eight.

80s Matchbox B-Line Disaster - Love Turns to Hate (Black Records, 17 May)
Niall [ten seconds in]: This could be a winner. It's already better than anything else we've heard. He's singing like Captain Beefheart.
Iain: It started off well, heavy, engaging, but the chorus is boring, it peaked too early.
Niall: Start: cool; end: cool; middle: guff! They pussied out. Seven.

Foals - This Orient (Warner Music UK, 3 May)
Niall [reading press release]: 'Ambiguously triumphant, identity in flux, mercurial cultures'? Are all press releases this full of it? Can we take marks off for being pretentious?
Iain: It's got a really nice verse. Some interesting sounds going on but the chorus is bland.
Niall: It's a good idea but that chorus could be Miley Cyrus.
Iain: This is a four... makes me want to give Liars a higher mark now.

State Broadcasters - Dusty Record Collection (Electric Honey, 10 May)
Niall: A Glasgow band? I might have to keep my mouth shut.
Iain [ten seconds in]: I like this already. Sounds a bit like Belle and Sebastian, so you'll be OK to slag them off Niall, they're probably too twee to take offence.
Niall: Yeah, but there's probably about twelve in the band!
Iain: They seem very well brought up! Six.
 
Villa Nah - Running On (Moshi Moshi, 10 May)
Iain: Sounds a bit like Beck.
Niall: Vice magazine says it's cool; so this must be what cool people dance to at cool parties in London.
Iain: The kind where you can still talk to each other while the music is on and say "Hey, how are you? I run a record label. Do you want to sniff some coke? Let's swap dresses."
Niall: From Finland via Shoreditch, and yet it's not going anywhere.
Paul: Any thoughts on the music?
Niall: Well, we've identified the market for it!
Iain: Can we just give that a no-score 'cos we're not cool enough?

Night Noise Team - You Won (Permwhale Recordings, 17 May)
Niall: [Enamoured with press release]: 'Inspired by a pub conversation about a 1962 French film'? This is going to be dogshit.
Iain: We're back in the nineties, with R Kelly.
Niall: It's fucking Will Smith. Or Edinburgh's answer to the Pet Shop Boys.
Iain [now with press release]: Compared to Arab Strap, Scissor Sisters, Bowie and Belle and Sebastian?
Niall: Jesus Christ – no! Will Smith! This is what happens when they let people on day release into the studio. Drivel. Stop it now.
Iain: Wonder if that's Jazzy Jeff on the trumpets. Two out of ten. One for the trumpets, and one for the porn film it's gonna soundtrack.

Blighters - Heartbeat (Hungry Audio, 10 May)
Niall: More 80s revival bullshit?
Iain [ten seconds in]: Turn that off, it's Club Tropicana
Niall: Off... STRAIGHT OFF.
Same guys that manage Guillemots I see, so they're probably actually able to... buy food. Zero.
Iain: Who are Guillemots?

Scream Club - Break You Nice (Crunks Not Dead/Rock Machine Records, 17 May)
Niall [on intro]: That's a pretty mean female vocal there: 'I'm gonna bite your cock off and stuff it up your arse.'
Iain: It's like Evil Beverly Hills Cop Music. Beverly Hills Rapist.
Niall: [snarls a depraved version of Axel F along with the beat] This is a song I'd masturbate to.
Iain: There's a bit of Depeche Mode going on, nice.
Niall: It's got rapping as well, fuck. What's next, 'cos whatever it is won't be as good as this.
Iain: Can't be. That's a ten. Awesome.
 
The National - Bloodbuzz Ohio (4AD, 3 May)
Niall: Ooh, these guys are on 4AD, this should be half decent.
Iain: Moody intro. This sounds kinda promising.
Niall: Like Johnny Cash if he was in an 80s revival band.
Iain: I can see this song having a good video. Maybe in the desert, driving a fast car...
Niall: ...Picking up a serial killer, fucking hedgehogs and shit. I think my girlfriend would like this.Those lyrics are dark.
Iain: That's the best ending to a song so far. Solid eight.

Dan Sartain - Atheist Funeral (One Little Indian, 10 May)
Niall: Another song about death?
[song starts] Iain: Rockabilly death?
Niall: So, what's this, the 80s Rockabilly revival featuring Elvis Costello? I dunno, I must have read the word 'revival' somewhere today and I'm just working my issues out...
Iain: This sounds more like what 'doom wop' should be than that other song. We're doom wop connoisseurs now, we should know.
I'm giving it eight, I liked it.