Lou Reed & Metallica – Lulu

A collaboration between Velvet Underground founder Lou Reed and thrash pioneers Metallica is indeed as bizarre as it sounds. Read: Lulu is a 90 minute concept album based around a theatrical interpretation of two works by modernist playwright Frank Wedekind. The results are messy to say the least; first single The View brings with it the kind of stellar riffery you'd expect of Hammett and Hetfield, then it all goes south with the 'tallica frontman's repeated proclamations that “I am the table!”
 

There's also some satisfyingly droney textures in the opening minutes of Cheat On Me, but it's impossible to deny how laughably overblown the whole thing gets; check Lars Ulrich's obnoxiously showy drumming on Pumping Blood, or the 20 minute closer Junior Dad, cunningly given extra padding by a listless string section.

Though Reed and Hetfield's rasping voices may appear distantly compatible on paper, perhaps the most baffling thing about Lulu is just how little these two artists complement each other – Reed tirelessly delivers poetry rife with awkward sexual references in the most off-beat fashion while the Four Horsemen attempt to stretch out short-sighted ideas that haven't yet become fully-formed songs. Of course, Reed has survived bigger disasters and his career will no doubt remain unscathed, but Metallica have done too little over the last fifteen years to prove their relevance. Yes, Lulu's cup runneth over with novelty value, but Lulu ultimately smacks of a botched experiment that both parties were just too proud to abort.