The Proposition: George Michael is the Most Dangerous Man in Rock'n'Roll

George Michael is the single most dangerous man in music. That, by the way, is not just because he might record again.

Have you followed this maniac's path of destruction? What a free spirit! He's currently accumulating offences like he's trying to complete the set. Indeed it would appear his lawyers advised him the only way to try play down that infamous and very public crotch-meets-undercover-cop episode in Los Angeles is by out-doing it.

The bad news is that this emerging catalogue of wrong-doing probably qualifies him as the single most 'rock and roll' individual of the moment. The simple act of just being in a car with him is now officially classed as the third most hazardous music-related activity, behind sharing a balcony with Pete Doherty and playing drums with your face. Not bad going for a stubbly old jessie who, in the mid 80s, ruined once and for all the iconic 'cigarette packet rolled up in the t-shirt sleeve' for all the world's straight cowboys.

His oral adventures in California are but the velvety tip of the iceberg too. As far as drugs are concerned Michael has courted many of the classics to great effect, including a recent debacle when his crack caused problems in another toilet. He's also managed to slickly combine the world of narcotics with that of automobiles. Creative highlights include being caught asleep behind the wheel of a moving vehicle and – rather brilliantly – parking at speed through the front window of Snappy Snaps whilst stoned. Oh yeah, and he's done time. Hard time. In an actual jail. Those were eight fidgety weeks I'd wager.

Let's be clear, George Michael is not up there with the greats; he's never plumbed the alcoholic depths of John Bonham, battled the sociopathic self-destruction of GG Allin, satisfied the insatiable appetite for dead prostitutes of certain hair-metal bands. No, it's really just a lack of decent competition that's put him where he is.

Now fingers are bound to be pointed as the inquest begins. Why couldn't someone a bit less crap just man up? Why can't Liam Gallagher be half as raffish as he thinks he is, or The Killers actually do some killing?

The fact is we, the vicarious-thrill-seeking, record-buying public, have been repeatedly let down by sell-outs, charlatans and poseurs for the last decade at least. Towers Of London are a perfect example. If the Sex Pistols were a full steak dinner, Donny Tourette and his team of bozos are a happy meal. Totally unsatisfying and without a single culturally-nutritious benefit.

Their short-lived musical belch very tellingly betrays the industry's craving for notoriety and the profitable, youthful rebellion it courts. 'Controversial' has been reduced to a mere check box on the application form to pop stardom and it's interesting how the resultant controversy seems to have frequently become irrevocably entangled with – if not outright confused for – misogyny.

Ke$ha probably thinks she's controversial. Maybe to some she is, but surely only those people whose gormless, goldfish-like expressions are matched by their stupefyingly short memories. Madonna did this schtick back when she still had her own teeth! Plus Madonna had an entire book of smut dedicated to her, whilst Ke$ha might just manage a few nipple-peppered pages in Loaded before she slides down her own mucousy ramp to obscurity.

Sure, Amy Winehouse has the broken-heeled slouch and mascara-streaks of a gin widow, but she hardly oozes danger does she? Real reckless abandon takes a lot more than a potty mouth and hot pants. Randy Rhoads flew his plane into Ozzy's tour bus for fuck's sake! Modern music icons just don't take enough pride in their work. For example, despite all their sinewy posturing, the least Gallows could do is stop riding around in stupid bloody Rockstar Energy Drink buses and go buy some motorbikes, a bottle of LSD and ride out to Beachy Head. Whatever happens happens. Worst case scenario, maybe it'll make their music more 'timeless' and their tattoos more profound.

As it stands, George Michael shows no signs of slowing down, whether it's for old age or a shop-front. By default he has ascended to a position of unrivalled contemporary hedonism and it stands as tragic testimony to the banality of our times that such a musically flatulent man can hold such office.