Spotlight On... Aylee

Turning trauma into art is no mean feat, but it's exactly what Glasgow-based singer-songwriter and producer Aylee has done on her latest single, Sick To My Stomach. Sharing her experiences of the condition endometriosis, where tissue similar to the lining of the uterus grows outside of the uterus, leading to severe and often debilitating pain, Aylee has turned her pain into a twinkling slice of pop, with the aim to help others going through the same thing. At the same time, Aylee is helping raise funds and awareness for the work of UK charity The Endometriosis Foundation.

Sick To My Stomach was released last Friday (15 March), and with March being Endometriosis Awareness Month, this week we're shining a spotlight on Aylee to learn about her music-making, as well as her experiences of this often overlooked condition.

First of all, can you tell us a bit about yourself and what inspires you as a musician and producer?
I am a writer and producer from Perthshire. I started writing music when I was 14 and quickly became intrigued by the idea of producing my own music. There wasn’t much to do up in Perthshire, there definitely wasn’t a pop music scene and I didn’t want to wait to find someone to record my stuff so took it on myself. I remember recording on a small 8-track recorder and just learned from there.

Initially, my inspiration for becoming a musician came from my parents who would take me to loads of gigs growing up. I remember seeing Snow Patrol and knowing music was something I wanted to do. I would say nowadays my inspiration comes from strong women, I feel as though I’ve found my voice and know what I want to say.

There’s definitely been a shift since I first started to release my own music, even a few years ago if I said that I produced my own music I would be laughed at and was never accepted as the ‘tech savvy’ one when it came to my live set; I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been overlooked to adjust levels when sound checking even though I’m the one running Ableton. I feel now we have so many strong female role models who are writing, producing and performing their own music it’s something that inspires me every day. I am so happy to be making music in the 'New Barbie Era', as I like to call it. 

You’re back after what seems like quite a lengthy break with new single Sick To My Stomach – can you tell us about the new song and your personal experiences that have led to its creation?
I ended up taking a longer break than I initially planned and to be honest, this break plays a big role in the release of Sick To My Stomach and how the song came about. I have spent over a decade asking for help with my endometriosis pain; the past few years have been especially tough. It’s hard to physically stand up at times from pain, never mind concentrate on writing or releasing new music. After what has felt like an onslaught of disappointing doctor appointments, three surgeries, too many ultrasounds and MRIs to count and having been told so much misinformation, this song kind of just poured out of me. When so-called specialists are telling you one day, "In the good old days we would just sterilise you" and then the next, "You should just get pregnant, it might help", you’re bound to get a little fed up, to put it lightly.

The past few years have felt like a very different kind of heartbreak to any other I’ve ever experienced and sadly, I am definitely not the only one. After years of this heartbreak, me and my mum looked further into the condition ourselves since I just kept hitting dead ends with options and answers, that’s when I found the endo community online, or the ‘Endo Warriors’ as they’ve accurately named themselves. It’s often described as one of the most unfortunate and yet most supportive clubs to be a part of and I would have to wholeheartedly agree.

After writing Sick To My Stomach, I knew it was something I felt very passionately about sharing since I know for a fact I am not the only one out there who has had to deal with medical gaslighting, multiple A&E trips and being fed misinformation. This song felt so therapeutic to write and produce so I hope that will translate and people who can sadly relate will know they are not alone.

What was the writing, recording and production process like for you? Did you find it emotionally draining creating something so personal, or did it feel quite cathartic and liberating?
This song in particular felt incredibly liberating to write. I mean, I wish I had the guts to say to a doctor that I’m sick to my stomach with their lies but in reality, advocating for yourself when you’re in such a vulnerable situation is incredibly difficult and at times impossible. I don’t think I really felt the gravity of the words I had written until I listened back to them and until I released the track and received messages from others who have been through and are going through the same circumstances. Producing this one was a little challenging because I didn’t want anything to overshadow the message or the lyrics so I did have to step back and try to keep it simple. Recording vocals was definitely tough since I felt every single line so deeply but I think that’s to be expected with such a personal song. Overall though I’d say yes, creating Sick To My Stomach felt very cathartic.

Image: Aylee by Leighanne Dunlop

Why was it important for you to turn your experiences of such a debilitating condition into something positive?
I have seen first-hand what a positive effect early intervention and a quick diagnosis can have on someone’s life. One of my younger sisters has endometriosis too, having learned all that I did through my surgeries, pain, doctor’s appointments and years of asking for help we knew exactly what to ask for and how best to access the correct help for her. Having seen what a positive effect this has had on her quality of life inspired me to try and help raise more awareness about the condition and to direct as many people as I can to The Endometriosis Foundation who are, in my opinion, the most reliable source for information within the UK. 

Sadly, there is a lot of misinformation spread about this disease which is not only frustrating but can be dangerous too as it often prevents people from accessing the necessary healthcare. I wanted to try and turn this awful experience into a positive one not only to help others but honestly to help myself process it all. Endometriosis has taken over my entire life so I figured since it’s already taken over I may as well lean into it and use my voice to do something good with all that I’ve learned.

As well as the music, you’ve also worked with a local artist to create T-shirts and tote bags to help raise even more funds and awareness for The Endometriosis Foundation. Can you tell us more about the artist and how this collaboration came about?
Yes! I love talking about Séania and her work, she is such an inspiration. I met her last year and I just knew we would be pals. I knew I wanted to work with her since our values align and she has been supportive throughout everything. We went for a coffee, I had a rough idea of what I wanted and as soon as I described it to her she understood exactly what my campaign was all about. Thanks to her amazing work, our T-shirts and tote bags are available to buy from [two Glasgow locations], the House of NAF! salon and the Modern Love Store.

It has been so liberating and exciting to get to work with someone who is on the same wavelength, we just constantly hype each other up. I feel like relationships like ours are so important. For years women have been taught to compete with one another, it’s never been something I would feed into and Séania is the same. I am so grateful to have her support and I will always support The Endometriosis Foundation, as I have great admiration for their work. They focus on educating young people about how to recognise the early symptoms of the disease through workshops held in schools. They also advocate for the endo community with government officials, which is crucial in determining how medical professionals treat us. The Foundation understands that losing consciousness due to pain is not normal and that endometriosis is a whole-body inflammatory illness, not simply 'a bad period'. They also stress the importance of having access to current information as it is essential for individuals to make informed decisions about their treatment plans.

Image: Aylee merch by Séania, photos by Alice Hadden

What advice would you give to someone else experiencing this debilitating condition?
I would say first and foremost make sure you are as well educated as you can be; some doctors are still telling people that hormones, hysterectomies and pregnancy will ‘treat’ endometriosis, but none of this is true. Some of these options might help to manage the symptoms but they won’t ‘treat’ the physical lesions or cure the disease. It’s also important to know that while these options might help some people manage symptoms there are no guarantees since everyone is different. Expert excision surgery is currently the gold standard treatment for endometriosis; although this is not a cure, it is currently the closest thing we have to one.

I would suggest having a read online, chatting to the endo community and don’t be afraid to ask questions. Remember it is your body, you know it better than anyone else and you are the one who has to live with any side effects or complications caused. You are not being difficult by asking questions when it comes to your body and health. I strongly recommend that everyone brings someone with them to appointments. This not only helps to keep track of important information, but I have also found that doctors are less likely to dismiss or invalidate your concerns if there is someone else present to witness the appointment.

Lastly, I would say be kind to yourself. I have been through every single emotion you can think of when it comes to endo; I’ve grieved the life I once had, felt low and isolated, guilt for missing work and social occasions, stubborn and frustrated that I can’t push through the pain and for a long time believed I was weak. I have since learned to listen to my body and I acknowledge that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. I rest when I need rest, I socialise when I feel as though I can actually enjoy myself instead of pretending not to be in pain, I have finally learned to put my needs first.

And finally, what’s next for you and your music?
I am thrilled to announce that I will be releasing more new music this year. I can't wait to share it with everyone. As an emerging artist, I feel like there is a lot of pressure to constantly release new music, but I am trying to be kinder to myself. This means listening to what I need and taking breaks when necessary. However, I won't be disappearing again anytime soon. I am also excited to collaborate with other artists on their projects but for now, I am focusing on getting as much information about The Endometriosis Foundation out there. 

---

Sick To My Stomach is out now

Follow Aylee on Instagram @thisisaylee