Film News: Kristen Stewart's poetry corner, the Rumour Mill and more

KRISTIN STEWART'S POETRY CORNER
The silent era inevitably gave way to the era of the 'talkie' – the films we know and love today. But one actress who definitely should have stayed silent, or perhaps been born that way, or at least be forced not to speak and wear some sort of hat to warn people to stay away from her, is Twilight star Kristen Stewart.

She hit the news in The Independent this week following an interview with Marie Claire, in which she gave a live performance of one of her self-penned poems, prompting The Independent to describe her work as "the worst poem of all time." The poem, which we have quoted in full below, even baffled Stewart, who said of her work: "I don't want to sound so fucking utterly pretentious but after I write something, I go, 'Holy fuck, that's crazy.'"

Crazy, K-Stew, undoubtedly – but also irredeemably cack, containing some flagrant abuses of the English language, wrenchingly bad sixth-form angst dressed up as free association, and toe-curling imagery seemingly culled directly from her last bowel movement. Read the poem below and decide for yourself the fate she deserves for foisting her dreadful "art" on the unfortunate public. 

My Heart Is A Wiffle Ball / Freedom Pole, by Kristen Stewart
I reared digital moonlight
You read its clock, scrawled neon across that black
Kismetly… ubiquitously crest fallen
Thrown down to strafe your foothills
…I’ll suck the bones pretty.

Your nature perforated the abrasive organ pumps
Spray painted everything known to man
Stream rushed through and all out into
Something whilst the crackling stare down sun snuck
Through our windows boarded up
He hit your flint face and it sparked. 

And I bellowed and you parked
We reached Marfa
One honest day up on this freedom pole
Devils not done digging
He’s speaking in tongues all along the pan handle
And this pining erosion is getting dust in 

My eyes
And I’m drunk on your morsels
And so I look down the line
Your every twitch hand drum salute
Salutes mine.

While deciding whether to laugh hysterically or vomit copiously, take time to consider some of her imagery again – visualise the"perforated" surface of the "abrasive organ pumps" in verse 2, or the "freedom pole" of verse 3 and the title. Are these images intentionally phallic, or just hilariously badly constructed? Ponder the sheer horror of the fate assigned to the word kismet; tied down, beaten and used as an adjective. We here at The Skinny can honestly say we have never encountered a poem as abysmal as this one. Have you?

THE RUMOUR MILL: PRODUCER MICHAEL USLAN ON THE BATFLECK BACKLASH, STEPHEN KING'S IT FOR REMAKE?, FOOTBALL ZOMBIES: GOAL OF THE DEAD, MINECRAFT MOVIE FOILED BY GAME'S CREATOR
Michael Uslan is one of the producers on the new Batman Vs. Superman film, and this week he spoke out about the internet's backlash against the film's casting of Ben Affleck as Batman. No-one knows the screen Batman better than him – Uslan has worked on nearly all the iterations of the Batman franchise, acting as a producer for the 1989 film starring Michael Keaton.

Speaking to EP Daily, he drew comparisons between the casting of Keaton and Affleck, saying: "We went through it all with Michael Keaton. I led the charge from the first time that I heard Tim was thinking of hiring Michael to play Batman. I'd go, 'Oh my God, all that work, I've put in all these years to do a dark and serious Batman! He's going to hire a comedian!' I could envision the posters: 'Mr. Mum is Batman!' But then he explained his vision. He had a vision, and he was right. This is all about Bruce Wayne. It's not about Batman... The fans had the same reaction that I had initially, except I had the benefit of hearing a vision right away. Then when they actually went to see the movie, they never wanted anyone else to play Batman. Never."

The latest film to climb aboard the remake bandwagon is Stephen King's IT, filmed for TV in 1990 with Tim Curry memorably portraying the novel's killer clown, Pennywise. Now, Collider reports that the novel could be in line for a new adaptation, under the stewardship of Cary Fukunaga (Sin Nombre, Jane Eyre). Producer Dan Lin revealed the project in an interview with Collider about his latest project, The Lego Movie. "Cary Fukunaga is writing and directing Stephen King’s IT for me, and I’m really excited for that," he commented. "I’m hoping that’ll be his next movie after the indie he’s shooting in Africa. I love what he did with [the TV show] True Detective. I think it’s a great sample for Stephen King’s IT. So I’m really excited about that."

Ever felt like the zombie movie genre was beginning to scrape the bottom of the barrel? We've had Shaun of the Dead-pilfering 'rom-zom-com' flicks like Warm Bodies, big budget action movie zombies in World War Z, a zombie road movie in Zombieland, and even soft porn zombies in the execrable Zombie Strippers... you might be asking yourself, what could possibly come next? Well, Hollywood has the answer, and it's a no-brainer – quite literally. Combining the sports movie genre typified by the likes of Bend It Like Beckham with our undead pals (naturally), Goal of the Dead will be brought to you by Benjamin Rocher (The Horde) and Thierry Poiraud, according to Variety, who also have a plot summary, if you really feel like it would enrich your life to read it.

And finally, disappointing news from the bleeding edge of game-to-film adaptations: a Kickstarter campaign attempting to raise funding for a movie based in the block-based world of Minecraft has been squashed by the game's creator, Markuss Persson of Mojang, the BBC reports. Persson tweeted his reasons for ordering the campaign's takedown: "We don't allow half a million kickstarters based on our IP without any deals in place," he tweeted. We here at The Skinny feel this was a short-sighted decision on the part of Persson, and we hope he negotiates a deal with the filmmakers to let the project come to light, as the BBC suggest he might. 

TRAILERS: THE DOUBLE, THE TWO FACES OF JANUARY, UNDER THE SKIN
All three trailers we're showcasing today deal with themes of double identity – first up is The Double, starring Jesse Eisenberg (twice), directed by former star of The IT Crowd and the filmmaker behind the fantastic Submarine, Richard Ayoade, and based on the classic novel by Fyodor Dostoyevsky.

Next, Viggo Mortensen stars in The Two Faces of January, a thriller about a con-man on the run, based on the novel by Patricia Highsmith, and adapted and directed by Hossein Amini, who penned Drive for Nicolas Winding Refn. 

Finally, here's the trailer for Under the Skin, which stars Scarlett Johansson as a killer alien disguised in human form, on the hunt for victims in Glasgow and rural Scotland. The film is directed by Jonathan Glazer (Sexy Beast), who shot much of the film surreptitiously with non-actors interacting with Johansson's character – we've got an interview with Glazer in our latest issue, which will be published online later this month. "The idea, really, is about surveillance: her being this kind of operative who is watching us undetected, and undetectable,” explains Glazer in our interview. “It made perfect sense to film it that way – once we understood that then everything really served that objective.”