Valentine's Day in Edinburgh & Glasgow: Where to go

Valentine’s Day is the elephant in the social room – it ominously hangs over us all as we try to avoid its gaze, but yet we can’t help nodding in its direction and pointing at its tusks. “It's such a big deal,” you say. “Hope it doesn't crush our hopes and dreams beneath its mighty hoof.” Well, if you follow our simple guide, you'll see that it's just like any other day, albeit with more sappy cards and teddy bears strewn about the place.

Get ready to rumble

First thing’s first – be ready for apocalyptic crowds. Doesn’t matter where you're off to, just know that you’ll need to be in elbows-out mode. Fighting through a scrum at the bar might not sound like the most romantic way to begin an evening, but it will give you something to complain about, which will make for excellent conversation/ allow you to show your true, misanthropic colours (delete as applicable).

Plan carefully

Knowing that everywhere will be busy, have a back-up plan in case your initial scheme falls through. If your 'no reservations' choice is queued out the door, you're going to have to go somewhere else, so work out where that second place is beforehand. And no matter where you end up, be extra nice to the staff. It's not their fault that you haven't booked a table, or checked whether it's possible to book a table, or done any planning whatsoever. If you think the hubbub of 'The Most Romantic Night Of The Year' is tough, imagine having to deal with it dozens of times in one evening, without the opportunity to do a runner via the bathroom window when things get awkward. Use that empathy you claim to have in your Tinder bio, and try to make sure that everyone involved in the waiter/waitee relationship comes out with their dignity and respect for mankind intact.

Hide

As for where to go, we recommend one of two approaches. Option one is to find a good hiding place, where you can have a nice evening without fear of being needlessly harangued by your idiot friends or passing members of the public. The subterranean duo of Under the Stairs in Edinburgh and the Flying Duck in Glasgow fit the bill, with their kooky decor, good drinks lists and great atmosphere making them ideal Valentine’s Day hideouts. Hillhead Bookclub and Paradise Palms offer the chance to hide in plain sight, their aesthetics allowing you to spend your evening blending into a background of foliage, bric-a-brac and retro gaming consoles, while having some delicious cocktails as you go.

Embrace sharing

Option two is to embrace the ‘sharing plates’ trend and head somewhere with lots of small dishes. This approach has a number of positives – for starters, there are few better ways to assess a person than by putting some delicious scran in front of them and heavily inferring that they shouldn’t eat it all. There’s also no awkward faffing about with the bill at the end, because you shared everything. Crucially, the sharing configuration means that the evening can be extended (or shortened) much more easily than in a standard starters-mains-dessert configuration.

The Spanish are established masters of the sharing food game, and Edinburgh tapas fans are well-served by the likes of Serrano Manchego in Leith and El Quijote in Tollcross. Over in Glasgow, Cubatas in Charing Cross leads the charge, with La Boca in the city centre and Malaga in the south side also good options. Different flavours but similar portion sizes abound at Ox and Finch (which you voted as one of your favourite date places in our Food Survey) and Mother India’s Cafe (try the spiced haddock – you won’t regret it). And there you have it – make a comprehensive plan, be nice to absolutely everyone, then go and hide among some pot plants or surround yourself with loads of tiny little plates. Like we said earlier, just like any other day.