Hi, Tech! Christmas Food Gadget Guide

The internet of things is a stupid concept that serves only the technologically-obsessed who aren't happy unless every piece of their lives can be managed via an app, and mischevious hackers who want nothing more than to see your fancy wi-fi toaster go loco and start broadcasting your bank details to everyone in a 500-yard radius. Still, it is gift-giving season, and nothing says 'gift' like a standard household object that's been jazzed up a notch, so let's take a look at what's what in the world of foodie gadgets.

On the more useful end of the spectrum, the Drop (£79, getdrop.com) connected scales team up with your iPad to guide you through the pesky business of checking what you're doing and following a recipe. It is always good to have someone double-checking your work, particularly when that somebody is an unemotional food-weighing robot, and the scales themselves actually look relatively cool in a 'nifty tupperware' sense.

Equally useful for the chronically disorganised, the Smart Herb Garden (£60) from Click & Grow promises to help you to "grow fresh herbs, fruits and flowers with zero effort". That's our favourite amount of effort! Using a set of sensors and specially-developed soil, the Garden promises a near-neverending supply of basil leaves without having to follow the standard 'buy plant, overwater plant, put plant in bin, repeat' cycle. 

Falling somewhere in the middle of the usefulness scale, the Anova Precision Cooker (£189, anovaculinary.com) brings the magic of sous vide, or water bath cooking, to your home. Clip this bad boy onto the side of your pot, set the required temperature and time on your phone, and the Anova keeps things ticking over at exactly the right heat for perfectly cooked meats and fish. One for the 'what to get the person who has everything, and unlimited space in their kitchen' file.

If you’re in need of a stocking filler, why not plump for one of two different high-tech butter knives. That’s right, two high-tech butter knives! In one corner, we have the SpreadTHAT! (£9.99, prezzybox.com); made of titanium, it conducts your body heat to help you cover your morning toast without tearing a hole in the bread and throwing your plate across the room in frustration. In the other corner, the Butter Up (£7, butterup.com.au); this uses a grating edge to slice cold butter into manageable, meltable strands which you can then spread away to your heart’s content. They are both genuine products which exist in the world – isn’t science great?

Speaking of science, the Scio (£250, consumerphysics.com) is one of those gadgets that would have been unthinkable even a few years ago. Dubbed ‘the world's first affordable molecular sensor,’ the Scio's pitch is simple – wave it at things around you, and find out what they're really made of. Want to find out how much sugar is in that apple, or make sure that your block of cheese isn't a piece of wood with a dairy veneer? This is the gift for you.

And finally, a wi-fi connected smart frying pan. The Pantelligent (£129, pantelligent.com) smart pan features a temperature sensor, which sends data to an app, which alerts you on when to take culinary action. It isn't just a £130 frying pan with an app attached, Lord no – this is ‘an intelligent cooking tool’ that removes any human agency from the act of cooking, while encouraging you to faff about with your phone over a scorching hot stove. Still, if you're looking for a gift that says to the recipient, 'you can't cook but none of us want to tell you,' this could be the break you need. After all, if the machines are going to take over, the least they can do is keep us from fucking up our tuna.