Dear Dairy: The Skinny's Christmas Cheeseboard

We prepare for Christmas with a cross-office selection of cheese recommendations for your festive cheeseboards, dinner parties, and hungover Boxing Day lunches. You're welcome.

Feature by The Skinny | 14 Dec 2016

As Christmas nears, thoughts turn to dinner parties, interminable nights out and Christmas pudding-related injuries. Well, your thoughts might turn to those things, but we've just spent the morning arguing about cheese. In the spirit of the season, we've collated our ten favourite fromages into this guide to the perfect Christmas cheeseboard – use this information wisely, and be sure to stock up on crackers.


Camembert

Have faith in the Camembert. Slice off the top, sprinkle with rock salt, chopped garlic, rosemary and honey and give it a baking. It's the most euphoric dairy-based experience you'll encounter; so incredibly indulgent that you’re certain to win at the cheeseboard game. Not that it’s a competition or anything. [Kate Pasola]

Cerney Ash

An ash-covered goats' cheese from the Cotswolds may furrow brows among trad-core types of the family, but if you're any self-respecting, forward-thinking turophile, you'll need a block of Cerney Ash. If you're after a similar but less goaty vibe, go for Morbier. [Jess Hardiman]

Cambozola

Like brides, the colour purple and your grandad's jokes, every Christmas cheeseboard needs a bit of blue, but are you sick of scraping big chunks of stinky old stilton into the bin each year after it inevitably intimidates your guests’ taste buds? Cambozola is your saviour. As creamy as a ripe brie but with the kick of gorgonzola, it’s an unctuous blue that’s delicious on its own and not so potent as to bully the other flavours on your board into quivering submission. [Jamie Dunn]

Époisses de Bourgogne

WTF's an Époisses? It's what dreams are made of, that's what. So gooey it practically collapses in on itself when cut, Époisses is a stinky, tangy French soft cheese from Burgundy, the rind of which is washed in Marc de Bourgogne (pomace brandy). In short, it's brie's absolute baller of a cousin. [JH]

Gruyere

I propose a good Gruyere, a nice strong tasting hard cheese alternative to your regular cheddar. You only really need a small helping for a well rounded crackerful of cheesy goodness (although a nice sweet fruity chutney is a must to avoid a dry texture in your mouth).

Gruyere's great not just for its salty taste with minimal rind to manage, but also for its versatility post-cheeseboard indulgence. You're bound to have some left over, which can then be used as a great addition to any macaroni cheese – or if you want to go all trendy on it, Gruyere IS the main component of a good old-fashioned Swiss fondue, if you need an excuse for another sociable night in consisting solely of wine and cheese. [Sarah Donley]

Jarlsberg

Ah Jarlsberg, that iconic Norwegian holed cheese. It might be often dismissed as bland, but to call it bland is to downplay its subtle complexity. Buttery, nutty, unobtrusive – it’s Emmental 2.0, a smooth addition to any sandwich or cheeseboard, free of ego or an over-the-top flavour profile. It knows its place. Jarlsberg: with a soft “yay”. [George Sully]

Lancashire

As with life, such is cheese: sometimes the simplest pleasures rank among the finest of all. It may want for the pungency of a Limburger, or the sophisticate’s rep of an aged Gouda, but authentic Lancashire cheese – in both its creamy and crumbly iterations – is an addictively tangy delight, perfect as a complement to a Chianti or Sauvignon. Even better for the holiday season, it also works perfectly with a nice port; what could be more Christmassy than that? [Will Fitzpatrick]

Neufchatel

Or Coeur de Neufchatel, to give it its proper name. Yes, French fans – this Normandy cheese is heart-shaped, reportedly due to a long history of female cheese-makers sending their menfolk off to war packing a carefully wrapped cow's milk memento of their love. Stab that beautiful love story in half and you will find a white, crumbly, slightly salty centre which goes just perfectly with chilli jam, or some sort of artistanal sriracha if you're feeling pure mental. [Rosamund West]

Scamorza

The lightness of mozarella, without that horrible problem of accidentally covering yourself in cheese-water every time you open the fridge. A smokiness that contrasts well with other cheeses, fruits and any cracker you want to throw at it. A name that comes from the Italian for 'severed head', and a cool factor that comes from the fact that hardly anyone's heard of it. Scamorza is our gift to you – just don't get in our way when we go for a slice. [Peter Simpson]

Smoked Cheddar

Every cheese board needs that ol' reliable mainstay cheddar, but up that game with a smoked variety. Just be sure not to go for the artificial smoke-flavoured imposters; get yourself down to a Waitrose (or any other good middle class haven) where the smokiness is au naturel, baby. [JH]


Other cheeses are available. For more non-dairy Christmas ideas, check out our festive gift guides...

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