Mark Gatiss responds to Sherlock critics in verse

The game is afoot! After receiving a barrage of criticism following a particularly convoluted and high-octane episode of Sherlock, the BBC’s modern-day reboot of the character created by Arthur Conan Doyle, the show’s writer and co-star Mark Gatiss (he plays Sherlock’s brother Mycroft) has responded with a delightful poem in the Guardian’s letters page (although disappointingly he couldn’t find a word to rhyme with The Sign of the Four).

Gatiss is in particular responding to a piece in the same paper, by Ralph Jones, titled “Sherlock is slowly and perversely morphing into Bond. This cannot stand.” You don't have to be a great detective to deduce Jones' beef: the article’s title gives it away. Jones feels Gatiss’ version of Sherlock Holmes has become all action and little sleuthing.

Here’s Gatiss’ opening gambit in response:

'Here is a critic who says with low blow
Sherlock’s no brain-box but become double-O.
Says the Baker St boy is no man of action –
whilst ignoring the stories that could have put him in traction.'

To be fair to Jones, his article doesn’t ignore the Conan Doyle stories that describe Holmes' considerable fighting skills, including boxing and bartitsu. Instead he sees the detective’s physical abilities as “a titillating prospect: a stockinged leg poking out from behind a curtain. Because the most scintillating thing about Holmes is his mind, his displays of physical prowess ought to be rationed.”

Gatiss also shoots himself in the foot a bit with his final stanza:

'There’s no need to invoke in yarns that still thrill,
Her Majesty’s Secret Servant with licence to kill
From Rathbone through Brett to Cumberbatch dandy
With his fists Mr Holmes has always been handy.'

Isn’t this exactly Jones’ point? Conan Doyle’s yarns do still thrill, so why take “ill-advised liberties with Conan Doyle’s stories” by making Mary Watson “a ninja assassin with a murky past”?

Jones acknowledged Gatiss' five-verse poem on Twitter, saying he “would happily pen a 45,000-word poem by way of response.” We’d happily read it.

I would happily pen a 45,000-word poem by way of response, which is precisely how this delicious situation should escalate.

— Ralph Jones (@OhHiRalphJones) January 4, 2017

Do you agree with Jones that Gatiss' version of Holmes is morphing into 007, or do you side with Gatiss' notion that Holmes' considerable fighting skills have always been central to the character? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.