SkinnyFest 3 - Simon Says

One critic described my show as the closest comedy gets to a modern art form, which made me despair a little. The barrier between comedy and art is huge. No-one has ever scaled it. Even if I did manage, and my show was regarded as 'art', what category would it come under? Shit art, I think. That is, art that is perilously close to comedy.

I got drunk on my day off. I do on my days on, too, but on my day off I did it much more effectively. Then I remembered I had foolishly agreed to do Late and Live, laid off the beer, and moved on to whisky. I was stupidly drunk by the time I got there; though, having said that, I cannot remember ever being cleverly drunk. My beloved drummer Mac came along to assist with some songs, but by the time I got to the stage I couldn't speak let alone sing. That didn't stop me trying though. When the inevitable heckles came I made the unusual decision to run into the auditorium and meet one of the hecklers. I quickly discovered that running was also beyond my powers. I sprawled on the floor and skidded to a halt just by my verbal adversary, who was able to pin me to the floor with one hand while informing me that I was "shit". I got back to the stage somehow and blathered on a bit, then slunk off advising Mac to carry on drumming "as long as he wanted". It was awful. I refused to accept the fee, but the kindly stage manager insisted. Then I lost the money on the way home. Arrrrrrggggggggh.

Most comedians defend themselves with jokes so that no one laughs directly at them. I like a punchline same as the next guy, but when you stop punching, that's when they'll get you.