Food & Drink: Sammy J's Quick Bite

Edinburgh in August means one thing: Aberdeen Angus Beef Burgers from the van in Teviot Place.

Sure, I tell everyone back in Melbourne that I'm heading over for the Fringe, and usually end up writing a show to keep up the facade, but my journey is only complete when I'm strolling past the purple cow, stuffing one of those cheese-topped patties into my face like a culinary sex offender.

It's really quite unfair, the way they prey on the vulnerable. No, not the cows. I'm talking about the artists. Is it our fault we're so malnourished? Is it our fault we've had a few drinks? Surely a cup of tea and an apple would suffice – but before anyone's got their hand in the fruit bowl, there's the burger van. Waiting. Watching.

And knowing, like a schoolgirl spurned, that no matter how much you claim to be perfectly happy in your new relationship with other food, you'll be falling back into her greasy arms for a bit of hot loving once Mrs Salad has looked the other way.

I'm getting hungry just writing this. See you in Edinburgh.