Blondes

During the late 90s, Denise Van Outen was something of a national treasure among men of a certain age, perfectly representing that fun-loving, ‘one-of-the-lads’ era of popular culture. Her excellent on-screen partnership with Johnny Vaughan made a massive success of The Big Breakfast which, with its playful, cheeky banter, became essential early morning viewing.

Unfortunately, little of that old magic has been brought over to this rather flat one-woman show.

Billed as a celebration of all things peroxide, Blondes wholly fails to add up to the sum of its parts. Accompanied on piano by Mike Moran and with direction from Clarke Peters (who fans of The Wire will recognise as Lester Freamon) one could be forgiven feeling surprised by this show’s profound lack of artistic merit.

There’s a noticeable flatness about the performance. While everything is technically proficient, there’s a proverbial emotional vacuum sealing the Cow Barn: renditions of Bonnie Tyler and Marylin Monroe songs feel no more captivating than when being belted out by dead-eyed X-Factor contestants. Moreover, Van Outen’s cheeky sense of humour really doesn’t translate into a scripted environment, where her digs at the audience seem more spiteful than playful.

While this production has been panned in some quarters, it is not terrible. Van Outen is a charismatic enough figure to make this a perfectly watchable show, even if the frankly poor writing prevents it being wholly enjoyable.