Poets Against Humanity: Comedy Spotlight

The award-winning local poets behind the regular Poets Against Humanity night bring a one-off show to the Fringe

Feature by Jenni Ajderian | 04 Aug 2016

Taking inspiration from the popular, eyebrow-raising game Cards Against Humanity, the well-versed contestants involved in this night take it in turns to read one of their painstakingly-crafted poems only for competitors to insert a phrase of their own choosing, resulting in a heartfelt lament suddenly taking a turn and caustically referencing Nickleback. Or a politicised prose piece suddenly centring around Hollywood’s fear of dicks. We asked their poet laureate Andrew Blair to shed some light on the dark world of anarchic insult-comedy poetry.

I must go down to the sea again, the lonely sea and the sky,
If you had to choose 'twixt hot or cold, from which would you wish to die?

I’m emotionally cold and distant, so I might as well die that way.

One day I saw a little worm wriggling on his belly
Why does the media pump such shit out into my telly?

At work, where I am typing these answers, I just got an email that reads: '40 years of ergonomics – At AJ Products, we know ergonomics. With 40 years of experience, we can help you to create a complete, ergonomic workplace that suits your individual needs – whether you work in an office, school, warehouse or workshop. Discover our functional products and learn more about ergonomics here – all for a better workday!'

So in answer to your question: one person’s 'how the fuck is this happening to us as a species' is another person’s pride in 40 years of ergonomics.

In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
Take MDF and make a barn
He asks you while you're in the barn
Would you rather have only legs or arms?

Arms, because the thumbs are there. If I only had legs I would write in snow or sand or dust, and tell people there was beauty in embracing transience, but really I’d be thinking, ‘This will look mint on Twitter,’ and probably get a coffee table book out of it.

Whose woods these are I think I know
His house is in the village though
If you could send a poet up to Mars
Which one would be the best to go?

Craig Raine.

My mistress's eyes are nothing like the sun
Nor is she very good at spelling
I reckon away with my boss she’s going to run
Is there any way of telling?

It is possible that asking your mistress directly would be a better approach than asking comedy poets about it in publicly available interviews. You should probably also have a word with your partner now if they read this. Your best hope is that nobody actually reads The Skinny, especially your boss.

I wandered lonely as a cloud
Through fields of flyerers quiet and loud
What can I do with all these flyers
Before this pile becomes too much higher?

Believe in the flyers as a representation of the performers mentioned on them. Really, truly believe, until the flyer becomes – through your mind – not merely an advert but the producers of its product. Then set the flyer alight. Let it writhe and blister in your fingers. Listen out for screams amidst the background sigh of the city. Repeat this process until you have no more flyers left, and then begin whispering, ‘O god, what have i done?’

O my luve's a red, red rose
That's newly sprung in June
When are you next doing a show?
I hope that it is soon.

Poets Against Humanity is on Monday 15 August, 7.30pm at Banshee Labyrinth... The shows get recorded and put online as part of the Poetry as F*ck podcast. I’m also doing a show with Ross McCleary called McCleary and Blair Panda to the Audience from 21-28 August, also at the Banshee. We’re dressed as pandas because people like pandas more than poetry. It’s about death and the actor Robert Pattinson.


Poets Against Humanity, Banshee Labyrinth, 15 Aug, 7:30pm, PBH Free Fringe

http://www.edfringe.com