Comic v Comic: Martin and John

JS: How many times have you done Edinburgh and how are you feeling about this year’s festival?

MM: I first came up to the Fringe, (in what now feels like medieval times), to do a show called ‘THREE’ with Lucy Porter and Robin Ince. It was our first time up and it was fantastic. Much like a junkie remembering his first hit, I have been trying to recreate that rush ever since.

JS: It does seem to have changed quite a bit over the years, it’s getting more like a comedians trade fair these days.

MM: I think I preferred it back in the days when your ability to get pissed every single night for a month was as important as your show. Right now I’m feeling really excited about the Fringe, I’m training every day with a Mixed Martial Arts coach so that I have the stamina and aggression to see me through the month.

JS: You’ve had several Fringe runs at the Stand. How does this venue differ from others?

MM: The Stand is one of the few exceptions to the ‘trade fair’ thing. They programme acts based on artistic merit, not on how much money they are willing to stump up, or how big an agent they have. Whereas a lot of the venues are run by people who come up to Edinburgh just for the festival - it can seem that the London based comedy industry moves itself north for the month - The Stand is there year-round, providing top notch comedy for the people of Scotland, and so attracts a great Scottish audience.

The other great thing with The Stand is that the staff are treated fairly, in both pay and working conditions. So with a well thought-out programme of acts, great venue, and happy staff, what’s not to like?

JS: Over the years I’ve witnessed you doing a wide variety of shows, including children’s. In the past you used to use a lot of props in shows, which you don’t appear to do much of now. Why did you move on from this?

MM: September 11th 2001 happened.

After the events with the Twin Towers, I realised that I would have great difficulty travelling around with my bag full of props. I had machetes, throwing knives and a starting pistol in there. I decided to drop the prop act and concentrate on the stand-up show, which has worked out really well, so a big thank you to Al Qaeda.

JS: You have a very distinct image. When and why did the tattoos and beard start?

MM: When I was a wee boy, I wanted to be the tattooed man in the circus, and so when I grew up I realised this dream. Now I think I should have set my sights a bit higher, perhaps The Tattooed Millionaire would have been better.

JS: What other jobs have you done outside stand up?

MM: I have never had any ‘straight’ jobs, I’ve been lucky to have always made my living from performing, mostly working in the circus. I was a snake handler for a while, doing a show and extracting venom for use in antidotes. After a while you get bitten so often that you develop an immunity to the snakebite. That’s one less thing that can kill me!

I was also a semi pro wrestler, and a bare-knuckle boxer in my youth, fighting under the name ‘Fast Hands Gypsy George’.

Doing stand-up comedy is much easier.

JS: What do you hope to gain from this latest Fringe run?

MM: More pussy and drugs. 

JS: If you could pick a classic part from any comedy film and play it yourself what would it be?

MM: Anything where I get to have sex with Woody Allen.

JS: If money was unlimited what stunt would you pull to publicise your show?

MM: If money was unlimited, I would get all the starving children in the world, bring them to Edinburgh, give them a big dinner, and send them out to flyer my show! 

JS: What gets on your nerves?

MM: Electrical impulses. 

JS: Is comedy still the new rock and roll?

MM: Comedy is now the casting couch for E4 presenters.