Alistair Barrie: Urban Fogey

So then, tell us about your show?

It’s a heartbreaking tale of young lovers from warring families who... oh no, hang on. That’s Romeo and Juliet. Mine’s funnier, although the ending’s less dramatic and there are fewer versions of it on the Fringe.

How are you going to keep it fresh for the full three weeks?

Ah, good. Now a question I can worry about. No idea - I imagine that I will be tinkering with it for the first week or so, then let it take flight and soar like an eagle until the end of the festival when it will become a dodo. Must make sure I don't mix those two up.

Is it ultimately worth coming to the Fringe?

'Ultimately...?' That's a bit drastic. Which is interestingly the word I will probably be using to describe the state of my bank balance in September. All being well, I should be able to answer your question at next year's Oscars.

Do you have a guaranteed, surefire flyering technique?
I do indeed. Pay someone else to do it who has been highly trained by someone else. 

What's your health regime for the Fringe?

As I'm doing a play, my solo show, 'No Pressure to be Funny' and lots of extra shows, I have actually gone into training for this year. I haven't had a drink for three months, been to the gym most days and am planning to have my first ever dry Edinburgh. As a result, I fear I may be kicked out of the Comedians Union, which as we all know is a fearsome and well-oiled machine.

What's the worst mistake people make at the Fringe?
The only real mistake you can make is expecting too much. Younger comedians with skinny jeans and walnut whip hair beware. Luckily I've been doing this long enough to have a moderately decent grasp of reality, if not my hair.

Last year's Fringe was all about the London riots. What major news event do you think will force you to hurriedly rewrite your 2012 show?

Well it won't be more riots. There's no way they could get Croydon alight in this weather.  

Do you pay your taxes?

I was on Celebrity Deal or No Deal with Jimmy Carr, so I must take some blame for giving him financial advice. Sky News referred to me as 'morally reprehensible' when I suggested on air that most of us tried to pay as little as possible - sadly it was too late to put the quote on my posters. 

What was your favourite joke when you were a kid?

I think it involved a Big Red Rock Eater.

When did you realise that you weren’t ‘down with the kids’ anymore? Have you ever said ‘In my day...’?

I think it's a gradual process known as aging that is generally advertised as only happening to other people. I quite like it. And never say 'In my day...', always say 'In our day...' as it adds an air of inclusivity to whatever it is you're moaning about.

Riot or strongly worded letter?

The pen is mightier than the Swoosh.

What do you think is the best thing about being young and the best thing about being old?

The best thing about being young is getting older. I wouldn't know about being old, I'm just sending out a search party.

Who else are you hoping to see while you're in Edinburgh?

Hal Cruttenden. As I'm living with him, I thought I'd go and see his show every day too, otherwise he's likely to feel abandoned and unloved.