The Skinny on... Marjolein Robertson

What’s your favourite place to visit and why?

I don't know how to say this honestly and not sound like I'm trying to trip oot, but I keep slipping into what I think is the fourth dimension and it's pretty cool, it lets me look at the third dimension from another perspective and I saw how time works. SPOILERS: there's a time pipe.

Favourite food and why?

Reestit mutton tattie soup an bannocks. A Shetland delicacy; we make it with our own lamb. My dad's recipe is best. I ken every Shetlander says that, but that's because we were all fathered by him.

Favourite colour and why?

I like red because she's such a dramatic colour, her entrance usually shifts the focus all to her, whether it's fire, or blood or a Special K advert.

Who was your hero growing up?

I like Adam Hart-Davis who did all them shows about the Romans, ancient civilisations and such. I also had a lot of time for the trows, Shetland's magical creature. To me they embody nature. I look forward to the day they dismantle society and we live according to the Earth again.

Whose work inspires you now?

I've written most of my Fringe show while listening to Greta Van Fleet. Oh I also am inspired by Mr. Blobby. If I can one day have a haunted old theme park hidden in a corner of the UK that looks like the magic that would grow from a nuclear wasteland which is exactly what Mr. Blobby's 'Crinkly Bottom' is. Then that would be my dream.

What three people would you invite to your dinner party and what are you cooking?

My best friend Mhia and then no one else but with enough food for four. Probably spaget.

What’s your all-time favourite album?

That Fisher-Price Yellow Cassette that came with their cassette players in the 80s and 90s. It didn't need to go that hard but it did.

What’s the worst film you’ve ever seen?

I'll tell you what, the greatest of films can become the worst when you passed out watching them in 2005 only to be woken intermittently through the night by the DVD menu loop. Heinous. Heinous. Also that film Valentine's Day. Get it destroyed from our records of humanity.

What book would you take to a desert island?

There's this book of magic in Shetland folklore where the pages are black and writing is white. It's super cursed and if you die with it in your possession the devil comes to collect you. So that one.

Who’s the worst?

The rich. Jesus agrees.

When did you last cry?

Oh wow. Usually I cry so frequently I can answer this easily. But I'm sitting here thinking about it and I can't remember... so my therapy is working. That's cool. But to be honest, then it probably means the last time I cried was in therapy.

What are you most scared of?

Used to be demons but now it's humans. And that's only because humans are so terrible.

When did you last vomit and why?

Ha, I don't tend to spew ever. I like my food and drink so I keep it in me for as long as I can muster. If I had baby birds they would have long since starved to death.

Tell us a secret?

Sometimes I don't think anything is real. But I can't tell my therapist that. Because I am worried about how many more sessions that will cost me.

Which celebrity could you take in a fight?

Anyone, I'll have at them. Fae working with sheep at home to having a high pain threshold I could tire someone oot by just letting them beat me up for ages and then I'd shoot them in the face.

If you could be reincarnated as an animal, which animal would it be?

This is hard. Either a corbie (raven), so I can fly aboot, eat dead things and visit Odin. Or a selkie (seal) because then I can swim aboot, eat fish and be relevant to my new Fringe show Marj.

Catch Marjolein Robertson in Marj, The Stand Comedy Club (Stand 1), 3-28 Aug (not 14), 5pm
Preview with Vladamir McTavish, The Stand Comedy Club, Edinburgh, 9 Jul, 8.30pm
Me, Myself & Mary (Queen of Scots), Scottish Storytelling Centre, 2-8, 10-13 Aug, 2.15pm
A Shetland Folktale, Scottish Storytelling Centre, 21, 23, 25 & 27 Aug, 2.15pm