Knightmare Live
Despite a healthy interest in Lego, I’m not a prepubescent boy; the arrival of the 90s and a bodacious rack saw to that. I’ve retired my childhood dreams, and instead I plead with the universe to reverse parking tickets and replenish tea bags. Until now.
Fringe strikes fear into the heart of writers as is, but this year one name had me grabbing for a Tena Lady: Knightmare Live
Yeah, you heard me right. Remember that show with the helmet and the dungeon, and the string of blind 11 year-olds marched to grisly deaths? Yeah, that. If you don’t, you’re too young or missed the entire point of the 80s. This year Treguard, Lord Fear and his minions invite a new dungeoneer and two comedians daily to recreate the show, and I was offered the chance to don the Helmet of Justice and quest for the crown. I’ve been camping outside the Gilded Balloon since July.
I didn’t actually see the show; helmet on, I accepted blindness other than the area directly below and unlike any dungeoneer before me, I had a sizeable handicap; being able to see your feet is a big deal. Despite this, I entrusted my life to David Morgan and Piff the Magic Dragon, and put my faith in their guile, direction and rudimentary spelling under duress.
Shit.
Together, we braved goblins, jester corpses and word puzzles. We cast spells, dodged blades and seduced old ladies. We forgot how to spell four-letter words, traded chalk for secrets and collectively soiled ourselves at a 7ft spider. There were swords and duels and tin openers. Xylophones and a knapsack full of fruit. To our collective surprise, we sidestepped our way through three levels to the crown, and laid a victorious smackdown on Lord Fear himself to laughs and cheers.
It’s the best thing I’ve ever done. High-fives and applause from audience members on the way out confirmed they’d loved it just as much. The team have handled our childhoods with care and indulged our nostalgia with the perfect balance of humour and a genuine love of the show. What more could you ask for? Knightmare Live is worth getting excited about.
Then again, it's only a game... isn't it?