Starter for eleven: Alan Bissett

Q1). Your first book was Boyracers, but since I can’t drive, I’ll ask about Walking. In which Bond film does Christopher Walken play the villain?

[Immediately] A View To A Kill. To this day, that’s the only Bond film I’ve seen in a cinema. I totally loved it at the time as well. (1 point).

Bonus question: True or false: Christopher Walken’s mother is originally from Glasgow?

False.

A: Nope, True!

Maybe that’s why he’s so scary.

Q2). A proper car question – where is the most expensive car ever made?

[Long pause...] Japan… maybe America…

A: It’s on the moon. Technically, the moon buggy is, by a long way, the most expensive car ever made (0 points).

Q3).Your next book was The Incredible Adam Spark, about a boy who (sort of) develops superpowers. Name the creators of any superhero.

Lee and Jack Kirby did all the Marvel ones, so Lee and Kirby, and Spiderman.

Sure?

Yes.

No, Steve Ditko illustrated Spiderman.

[A noise something like…] Aaaourgh! I knew that!  Can I say Lee and Kirby, and... Silver Surfer.

A: Aye, alright (1 point). For a bonus, who is the best superhero?

Spiderman is maybe the best from a story perspective but Batman is the coolest... I’ll go with Spiderman.

A: Nah, it’s Superman. [A ten minute debate ensues about this, but it’s still Superman] (0 points).

Q4). Which film studio produced The Incredibles?

[Immediately] Pixar. (1 point).

A: Yep. Bonus question, who played Mrs Incredible?

[Again immediately] Holly Hunter. (1 point).

Q5). Your next book was Death of a Ladies Man. Which Leonard Cohen album features the track Death of a Ladies Man.

[Doesn’t fall for this ‘cunning ruse’ for a second] Death of a Ladies Man. The album is called that as well (1 point).

As a bonus, which province of Canada was Leonard Cohen born in?

Ottowa?

A: No, Quebec. (0 points).

Q6). For how long after death do fingernails continue to grow?

Um, a month?

A: They don’t at all. The skin shrivels, creating an illusion of growth (0 points).

Q7). After Death of a Ladies Man, and also linked in to it, was The Moira Monologues. But who performed the filmed monologue piece Swimming To Cambodia?

Alan Bennett?

A: It’s Spalding Gray. (0 points).

Q8). Name any famous Moira.

Moira Stuart!

A: Correct, (1 point), although the bonus would have been automatic had you named any Moira but Moira Stuart first. For a bonus anyway, name another Moira.

Moira MacTaggert from the X-Men comics!

A: Correct! (1 point) [Bisset’s Marvel-ous knowledge comes up trumps again].

What is Moira's surname in the Moira Monologues?

Um.. Bell!

Thanks. That wasn't for points, I was just wondering.

Q9). Your upcoming book is Pack Men. However, I know little about backpacking, but I do remember the classic hitchhiking TV series The Littlest Hobo. Who was the Littlest Hobo?

A dog! (1 point).

[Bissett then launches into a quite stunning rendition of the theme tune to The Littlest Hobo, which utterly earns 1 unplanned bonus point]

If you’re going to start asking about 80s kids TV, I’ll get everything!

The actual planned bonus: which country produced that show?

It’s America or Canada. Canada!

A: Canada (1 point).

Q10). When did Pac Man arcade machines first appear? 1975, 1980, or 1985?

It must have been early 80s – 1980.

A: 1980 (1 point). For a bonus, what colour were the ghosts? Point each.

Um, Blue.. I’ll say Cyan, even.

A: Correct! Blue is acceptable, but Cyan is the exact description (1 point). 3 more.

[Bissett reels off a list of colours]

Pick three!

Um, Red, Pink and Purple.

A: A point each for red and pink, the other was orange (2 points).

Q11). Lastly, a question about your home town, Falkirk. What position did Falkirk FC finish in the First Division last season?

[Immediately] Third. I am a Falkirk fan, you know!

A: Yes, third (1 point).

So that's a whopping total of 14 points for Mr Bissett, who now tops the haggis supper leaderboard. Will he hang on two months for the title? We shall see.