Neil Forsyth: The Funniest Men In Dundee

Bob Servant is a 64 year-old former cheeseburger magnate from Broughty Ferry, who was first sprung upon the world in 2007. The world is still laughing. This first book, Delete This At Your Peril, was a collection of wind-up emails that ‘Bob Servant’ – in actuality a character created by Dundonian author and journalist Neil Forsyth – had been sending email scammers, and it was hilarious. It’s not often that front characters get their own spin offs, but the second book, Bob Servant: Hero of Dundee was just that.  

Forsyth’s attention to detail in creating Bob Servant was such that a biography was practically a necessity, and just as hilarious. The books were even eventually successful enough that Bob Servant turned up in a Radio 4 series, written by Forsyth. The Forsyth/Servant team’s third book is a return to the wind-up email format, entitled Why Me? If anything it’s funnier than its predecessors, and that’s about as high as praise can be.

Given the format of Delete This and Why Me?, I decided that I had to interview Neil Forsyth by email. This was something of a daunting task, given that he’s a master of taunting, amusing replies. So I started with some proper serious questions, just to ease in to the interview. So questions and answers went like this:

I imagine Bob has his basis in several people, but are there any particular models for him?
He’s an amalgamation of lots of old guys I grew up around in Broughty Ferry. It’s a place where old men seem to get issued with a new anecdote alongside their pension each week. Trying to walk down Brook Street in Broughty Ferry with my older relatives when I was wee would take about an hour.  

Bob seems to be even more blatantly winding people up here than before – outright telling them that he’s writing a book, or just saying that they’re scammers, even if it is in verse. Was this an intentional change, or just a symptom of increased daring, anger, boredom or something else?
The premise of Delete This At Your Peril was that Bob had won his computer in a bowling club raffle and was bewildered by the Internet. This time round he’s a bit more streetwise for sure, which allowed me to move the humour on a bit.

How on earth do you manage to receive so many spam emails? How high a hit rate do you have – as in, how many email discussions do you have to go through before you actually have one that’s fit to print?
There’s sites online where they post hundreds of email addresses for scammers. I email about a hundred at a time saying “tell me more” and then slowly whittle them down to those who are properly engaging with me and sound suitably mental. I’d probably get two exchanges from that first 100.

Has it gotten easier over time to wind scammers up successfully?
It’s always easy. There’s very little you can tell them that won’t have them coming back asking for cash.

Delete This at Your Peril was followed up by the tale of Bob’s life – will Why Me? be followed, similarly, by another non-email based tale?
I think so yeah, I have an idea that I’m working on just now.

At this point I wonder if Bob’s started to make a name for himself – has anyone ever recognised him, as far as you’re aware?
Broughty Ferry is a hard place for Bob to live these days, it’s like Beatlemania. Men want to be him and women want to carry his groceries.

I actually meant whether any scammers had recognised him there, but okay, there's actually some truth in this. Bob actually includes a real photograph in one of his emails of Waterstones Dundee’s book chart, with his books ranked impressively at numbers 1 and 4. “That’s the kind of form you used to get from the Beatles for fuck’s sake” he tells one scammer.

Anyway, the first round of questioning having gone well, I followed up with some increasingly less serious queries:

Have you ever strung someone along for so long that you’ve considered actually giving them some money, even for a second?
Nope. They’re not the worst crooks you can get, but they’re crooks all the same.

What have you got against Trevor McDonald? I’ve personally always thought it was Jackie Bird who had the eyes of a killer. [For legal reasons, some context: the book includes several footnotes going into quite some detail about McDonald’s past as a serial killer. As far as I’m aware, this is fictional].
I met Trevor at a party at Irvine Welsh’s flat and he talked me into investing £8,000 in a “topless dentist’s” business. I haven’t heard a word from him since and his phone seems to have been disconnected.  

Malpas, Bannon, Narey, Milne, Lynch/McColgan, Marra, and so on are all referenced in the book. Are there any other famous Dundonians, by birth or adoption, that you wanted to squeeze in, but didn’t manage?
They’re pretty much all there in the books now I think, it’s like a Dundonian Who’s Who?

Bob manages to put off ever paying anyone using endless excuses and delaying  tactics. Well played. Any advice for me on how to stretch my deadlines?
Just say that you’re really sad.

I frequently do, but no-one listens. Bastards. Continuing the slide into absurdity, I then decided to start with some downright cheeky questions. Which went like this:

The book has been praised for its Dundonian humour – what’s the word that sounds funniest in a Dundonian accent? (In the interests of fairness, I reckon the funniest Glaswegian one is ‘rarity’. Two rolled ‘r’s and a glottal stop all in one short package).

“Fife”.  (I could have sworn he’d go for “Peh”, as in the phrase “a Peh and Bovril, mate”, often heard at Tannadice. I’ve got to say his answer is better).

The book’s also  been particularly praised by the Private Eye writer, Barry Fantoni, who was voted TV Personality of the Year (Male) in 1966. Are there any other living sixties TV stars that you’d like to be praised by?
Savile was also a huge help until we had a silly falling out (I borrowed the £8,000 from him to pay Trevor McDonald). Jimmy, if you’re reading, pick up the phone.

Brian Cox played Bob Servant on the radio. No proper question, just how cool is that?! He was Hannibal Lecktor!
He’s the Pride of Dundee and rightly so. He was brilliant and I hope to see him playing Bob again very soon.

And lastly – given Bob’s former occupation, do you get an odd feeling now when (or if) you eat a cheeseburger from a wee van?
The last food I ate from a takeaway meat van was in Germany where I went to watch Scotland. I had a pulled pork sandwich that caused me terrible, terrible problems. It was a humbling couple of days and maybe talking about it here could help me finally forget it.

This email exchange wasn’t a competition. But Neil Forsyth wins anyhow.