The History of My Sexuality by Tobi Lakmaker
This sharp and beguiling debut novel by Dutch author Tobi Lakmaker explores ideas of gender and sexuality with a frank and clear-eyed gaze
Tobi Lakmaker’s autobiographical novel, The History of My Sexuality, explores the life of twenty-something old Sofie living in Amsterdam. Loosely connected, non-chronological anecdotes structure the novel as Sofie figures out her relationship with men, women and sex, weaving together hilariously cathartic commentary on patriarchy and men, witty observations on the lesbian dating scene in Amsterdam, and raw pain at the recent loss of her mother.
The tangential structure is sometimes frustratingly difficult to follow, and it turns out this is intentional; in Lakmaker’s own words, something he just can’t help. This distraction perhaps reflects an urge to deflect the issue of gender, which appears as an afterthought compared to the brash directness with which Sofie’s sexuality is discussed. This feels appropriate however: with gender inescapable in its relationality and deeply individual in its experience, Sofie is dogged by loneliness in her relationships with women: being with them is not enough for her to feel fully herself. The seemingly chaotic and distracted narrative structure thus captures the relationship between gender and sexuality with subtle precision.
Originally published under the name of the story’s protagonist Sofie Lakmaker in Europe, recent editions have seen the novel released under Tobi Lakmaker. The book, and Lakmaker’s subtle address of gender, reads in a different light with this knowledge. Sofie’s journey continues beyond the hospital 'where you can become more of a boy', and it is comforting to experience this with him as an unwritten, lived epilogue.