Braw or Naw: Dermot McMorrow
Dermot McMorrow takes a surreal yet critical look at what he thinks is braw or naw.
Braws:
Cereal
My first morning in Edinburgh I was eating cereal for breakfast and there was milk left over, I added more cereal and more milk and ate that and there was milk left over, I added more cereal and more milk and ate that and there was milk left over. There is no way out is there? If this can be stopped the food supply of the earth will increase by 600%.
The Bus
On my first night I arrived in Princes Street at about ten. It was raining. I stood at a bus stop because it looked lonely.
There are people who go around with numbers on them. They think they are buses. I saw someone with a number 8 on them. I jumped on his back and said take me to Muirhouse and they did. They took on more people until it was a tower of humans. This could solve the energy crisis.
The Scottish thing
When I arrived at my B&B the lady who owned it greeted me with... 'Mister McMorrow you are very welcome. I will show you the room that you would have been staying in.' I was thinking not only have I changed Ireland for Scotland, I have also changed tense. She said 'I’ll show you the bed that you would have slept in'
Why was she talking like this? What was going on? Had my doctor called?
I woke up at the bus stop in the previous Braw.
Naws:
My dog’s suicide note
"Hi Dermot,
Nothing to live for. Can’t stand going to the toilet in public. Lost all self-respect. What’s this obsession with walking? Run after your own stick. In fact hold on to it and you’ll have it all the time. I gave you unconditional love even though you are an arsehole. You are a total arsehole. You made your best friend sleep in a kennel, you are a total arsehole. Even the dogs in the street know that. I was only pretending to be interested in your bull-shit stories. I think you are just jealous that I can lick my balls.
Enjoy walking alone,
The Dog"
Drizzle
The rain is decent enough. At least you know what’s going on. Drizzle on the other hand is undercover rain. With drizzle you think it’s not raining and then you're soaked.
But there is hope. After it rains you could get 50,000 skate boarders with their baggy trousers to walk through Scotland. It would soak up all the rain and then we could drip-dry them into the North Sea. Then we should make an origami arc out of the flyers for the festival and sail towards the sun.