The Seven Sins of Scottish Panto

It's panto time! We trawl through this season's programmes, and unearth some sinful subtexts

Feature by Amy Taylor | 30 Nov 2015

A quick glance at some of Scotland’s leading theatres reveals that the seven deady sins are alive and well in the nation’s traditional festive performances this December. But before we clutch our pearls, wail about protecting the children, tut loudly or shake our heads in disgust, here, for your pleasure, are some of the most filthy, sinful and utterly, utterly merry pantos and characters that will darken your door this Christmas.

Greed

Based on the classic folk tale Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves from One Thousand and One Nights, Òran Mór’s new and original 'Christmas panto for grown-up children', Ali Bawbag and the Four Tealeafs (geddit?) by Dave Anderson and Gary McNair is a great contender for that most damning of sins: greed.

Following the exploits of the titular (and very, very poor) Ali, who finds a cave full of riches, left there by a band of seemingly incompetent robbers, our hero soon finds himself embroiled in a strange tale which also features a greedy brother and a whole lot of wanting more.

Lust

Elsewhere, a different kind of sin dogs the female protagonists of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs – playing at the King’s Theatre in Glasgow, starring Gregor Fisher, and also the identically-named venue in Edinburgh, starring the established trio of Allan Stewart, Grant Stott and Andy Gray. But the eponymous Snow White, with her skin as white and pure as the snow that she’s named after, is hiding a rather remarkable sin: lust.

Envy

So enamoured is she with the idea that one day her prince will come (make of that what you will), she doesn’t realise that her wicked stepmother –  jealous of Snow White’s beauty, and therefore a perpretator of the sin of envy – is planning to bump her off before she can even get off with her elusive prince. That’s right: the lovely and supposedly innocent Snow White, with her pure skin, red lips and perfect hair, is panto’s original horndog.

Pride

A quick jaunt over to Musselburgh’s Brunton Theatre reveals a hell of a lot more sin in their production of Cinderella, directed by Mark Cox. But unlike the profane Snow White, the leading lady is really rather blameless in all of this. It’s her two villainous, ugly step-sisters (played by Richard Conlon and Mark McDonnell) who have committed what is perhaps one of the most difficult sins – pride.

Both sisters are so preoccupied with themselves – from their appearance, to their standing in society, to hoping to marry the Prince Charming (who, listen ladies, definitely isn’t interested in either of you) – that they don’t realise their much-maligned step-sister is stealing the man of their dreams from right under their noses. Oh, revenge is sweet, and possibly breaking one of the Ten Commandments, but we’ll let good old Cinders off the hook this time.

Sloth

Perhaps one of the most obvious sinners in Scotland’s panto-land is laziness personified. Sleeping Beauty (playing at Rutherglen Town Hall and The Town House in Hamilton – she’s a very busy girl considering she’s been sleeping for years) features a central character who, as the name suggests, commits the deadly sin of sloth.

She may have fallen asleep because of a curse, and to be fair, she may be the victim of her own curiosity and her parent's hubris (after annoying the wrong fairy, who they merely pretend is the true villain of the piece, a curse is placed on the princess), but regardless, her sleepy excess damns not only herself but her entire kingdom too.

Way to go, sleepy heid, you’ll just have to wait for some prince charming to come and get you instead of taking any action of your own. It might be cold at Christmas, but you've still got to get out of bed. 

Wrath

Christmas is a time of contrasting emotions, from happiness, to sorrow, to nonchalance, and of course, wrath. But which of our damned panto characters is guilty of that last one? The answer is, of course, Peter Pan’s arch-enemy, the dastardly, one-handed villain, Captain Hook, who just so happens to be making an appearance at the SECC this December.

Played by international singing sensation (he sang on the Berlin Wall just before it came down, don’t you know?) and primetime telly pin-up David Hasselhoff, Hook is renowned for his rage towards the playful Boy Who Never Grew Up, and he has spent many years trying to kill him.


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But before the one-handed Captain is condemned for his many (very unsuccessful) attempts at paedocide, do remember that Peter Pan fed his nemesis's hand to a crocodile, so his rage is probably quite rightly justified. Feeding someone’s hand to a live animal is A Bad Thing, just like murder is also A Bad Thing, and contrary to one of the Ten Commandments.  

However, Hook’s wrath often only succeeds getting him in yet more trouble with the aforementioned reptile, so his bouts of rage are as sinful as they are powerful. In short, he’s a wee bit of a radge.

Gluttony

That's six sins down, so who has committed the final sin of gluttony? For this terrible crime we turn to the Palace Theatre in Kilmarnock, where Imagine Theatre are set to perform their version of that often underused panto classic Mother Goose, starring Jimmy Chisholm.  

But before you point an accusing finger at the golden goose who had the amazing (if slightly worrying for the survival of the species) skill of laying semi-precious eggs, the real villain of the piece is the evil and aptly named The Demon King. Determined to win a bet with a good fairy, he tempts the weak humans who look after Mother Goose with promises of eternal youth and beauty in exchange for the goose with the golden eggs.

The Demon King doesn’t actually want to eat the eggs, or the goose for that matter, but his determination to get the goose at all costs is like a hunger; nothing else will satisfy him on his quest to be right, so he makes a bold and extravagant claim in order to get his claws into her. And, while we’re on the subject of excess, step forward Rapunzel, who can be found at the Citz this year. All that hair is just too much; calm it down. 

Think you know pantos? Think again, because this much-loved staple of the UK theatre calendar is full of mischief, mystery and a whole lot of filth. In fact, if you just look beyond the colourful costumes, the loud panto dames and the singing, you’ll find a whole new world of pantomime will open up before your eyes.

Just mind how you go, because you never know – you might end up coming face to face with a few of the deadly sins yourself.