Student Guide 2012: The Fashion Club

The YAH
Frequently seen lolloping around the nicer parts of town, the Yahs wear their puffy Jack Wills jackets and Barbour gilets with pride in all weathers. They pair their expensive hunting jackets with that most utilitarian of garments, the humble pair of ‘jeggings.’ ‘Jeggings’, for the uninitiated, are a hybrid of jogging bottoms and leggings, and are just as pointless as they sound. The outfit is topped off with a nice pair of wooly UGG boots (other brands of poncy and overpriced footwear are available). All this wool, polyester and general puffiness explains why the Yah always has its hair up in a bun, as they must be slowly cooking underneath all that clothing.

The ART STUDENT
The Art Student is at art school, and they are living the dream. This is reflected in their ideal look, where they burst through town with four feet of hair flying off into all directions. The Art Student believes that they're living the bohemian high life, in a land of high fashion and exotic looks. Unfortunately, the Art Student lives in Partick. A victim of circumstance, the Art Student plows on regardless, and tries in vain to bring art to the masses. That is why they are wearing a vintage dress covered in leaves.

The SPORTY ONE
You’ll know this one straight away. Simply follow this checklist and you’ll know if you’ve got a Sporty One on your hands. A hoodie emblazoned with a helpful logo which lets you know which sports team they're in - check. A pair of manky tracksuit bottoms covered in grass stains, worn to help you ascertain that they're on the way to do more sport - check. The kind of day-glo, technologically-advanced super-trainers that only an athlete or a 12-year-old child would wear - check.

The MATURE STUDENT
The Mature Student is here to study. No more, no less. The life of all-night parties, loose sexual morals and casual traffic cone abuse is not for them. They want you to know they are serious about study, and have calculated that their fashion choices will impact on the opinion of those who matter. Therefore, their buttons are buttoned, their jackets are utilitarian and stark, their colours are demure and workmanlike, and most of them have glasses on. No bells and whistles, unless you count either a well-thumbed copy of the appropriate reading material for the upcoming class or a scowl as fashion accessories.

The UNION RAT
The pastel-shirted perma-17-year-old that never leaves the union pool table, whose fashion choices have adapted to their habitat. The clothes combine casual lunchtime-down-the-union chic with a smarter, night-out-at-the-union edge. You might say that this is just a more slovenly version of the 'professional footballer off down the pub' look seen in town centres everywhere, and that these people are just spending all their time in the student union dressed like extras from a Lynx advert. Well... yeah.

The HIPSTER
You can try to analyse, but you just wouldn’t get it. Bits of wood are cool, just deal with it, lamewad. Hipsters squeeze into jeans that would make Morph uncomfortable, style their hair with a mixture of hair gel and steel wool, and dress exclusively in T-shirts from obscure Japanese graphic designers. But we’re dealing with student hipsters, so things are a bit different. Student hipsters’ hair is a matted tatty mess, their jeans aren’t skinny but just ill-fitting, and they own two Threadless t-shirts because they can’t be bothered to go and collect them from the post office and pay the VAT charges. Oh, and no beards. Obviously.