Art School Top Trumps

So you're off to art college, and well on your way to becoming a massive critical success. But have you chosen your art school correctly? Let's find out...

Feature by Peter Simpson and Andrew Cattanach | 03 Sep 2012

It can be tough to make big decisions, and choosing between Scotland's three main art schools can be quite tricky. Still you've nailed your colours to the mast now, so you may as well find out if you're going to live to regret it whilst having some old school card-based fun.

EDINBURGH COLLEGE OF ART 

Number of fellow students standing in the way of your genius: 1685

Nearby branches of Starbucks in which to sit and look arty and aloof: 18, all over the place like a bad rash.

Turner Prize winners you can claim association with because you've sat in the same canteen as them: One (Richard Wright, who also went to Glasgow, so should really only count for half)

What we said about their latest crop of students: “You think about all the things you’ve seen in the show and... all your memories are vague and incoherent. Or is it the work that is vague and incoherent? You can’t tell.”

Odds of being recognised as an 'arty type' and therefore loved and venerated: Moderate, descending to low during August when every mad git in the world is in town.

Nearby artistic inspiration: The Castle, the Zoo, the Parliament. Lots of 'The' places, which may point towards a subversive style which still keeps things intelligible for Granny.

GLASGOW SCHOOL OF ART

Student numbers: 1795

Branches of Starbucks: 12, including the two closest in the UK. There's a haunting piece of multimedia conceptual art in there somewhere...

Turner Prize winners: Three-and-a-half (Douglas Gordon, Simon Starling, Martin Boyce, and the other half of Richard Wright)

What we said: “Rather serious (and) subdued... perhaps that big pile of rubble out the front that used to be the Design School buildings has had a sobering effect.”

Odds on being noticed: Low, as dressing as an extra in a Belle and Sebastian video is pretty much the way of things round these parts.

Nearby inspiration: The gritty, grimy badlands of the Gorbals, the leafy and lovely West End, and every band and artist you've ever heard of, as they'll all be along sooner or later.

DUNCAN OF JORDANSTONE, DUNDEE

Student numbers: We couldn't find out exactly, but fewer than the other two. Exclusive!

Branches of Starbucks: One, and it's in a shopping centre. Free spirits! Art!

Turner Prize winners: One (Susan Philipsz), or half-a-winner more than Edinburgh. Take that, panda folk!

What we said: “Impressive... world-class... darkly enjoyable”

Odds on being noticed: High; be ready to dodge shambling neds who are confused and enraged by the fact you are carrying a large canvas around.

Nearby artistic inspiration: A ship which failed to get its captain to the South Pole, some lovely ceramic penguins, and a sky-high teen pregnancy rate.