The Lesbian Look?

I think a lot of people wonder what makes some queer (or non-straight) people choose to physically present themselves in the ways that they do. Or wonder why women are attracted to women who seem to present themselves in a typically ‘masculine’ way. That, ‘Why don’t you just date a man, then?’ attitude.

When I entered into the world of gay at 17, it was a bit of a shock, not least to me. I had spent my teenage years ‘til then tracking down boys (I’d kissed a few female friends, but it had all felt quite ‘Katy Perry’) and obsessing over guitar gods. Then I went and fell in love with a girl. I think my mum was worried I might go out and get a rainbow-coloured buzz-cut the very next day. I didn’t; I didn’t actually know what to do.

Dressing in a typically feminine way, especially to ‘go out’ at night, was the default for me, so I just kept on: it was what girls did, and the people around me said I looked nice. It was when I realised that strangers just assumed that I was out looking to be chatted up by a guy (rather than a girl, or anyone else, or no one) that I felt uncomfortable. One particularly cold winter I went to a clubnight in Doc Martens instead of heels and realised I felt I looked… better. After that I always looked forward to the feeling of control that I got from turning up to a club in jeans and boots.

I now just wear what I think suits me, not because I, personally, want to be more of a ‘man’, but because I don’t want to be constrained by all of the rules that a typical ‘woman’ is supposed to follow. I still have long, un-styled blonde hair, for instance, but a lot of aspects of my image that I had associated with being female were, I realised, actually more linked to a projected future of me being in a heterosexual relationship. I enjoy constructing my own look from scratch, and confusing the changing room staff while I’m at it. Although every day is still one in which I have to challenge people’s expectations of how I live, looking a bit different has helped a lot with this; it’s actually easier when people in everyday life don’t just assume that I'm straight when they see me.

I would say that I find girls who dress a bit like ‘boys’ attractive because it says to me that they’ve thought about who they are. I am much more immediately attracted by personalities than physical bodies, so a woman dressed like a ‘man’ is absolutely nothing like a ‘feminine-looking boy’. Their minds are different – they have come to their looks from totally different directions. I could see a picture of an androgynous person and only find it attractive when I realise that that person identifies as female. In a way it shows that they have the confidence to roll with that identity.

And if a woman looks like they’re not particularly dressing in a way that would typically interest the opposite sex, it’s undeniably attractive to feel that that person could be trying to attract me.