Simon Breed's The Smitten King Laments is competent, listenable and, to be fair to him, covers a fair amount of lyrical ground. From two spiders "trying to freak each other out by wearing fake flies' heads" to the guy collapsing "like the back of a pantomime horse," it emerges that Breed has a unique outlook on the tried and tested woes of everyday life. It's unlikely, however, that the casual, passing listener will ever make this discovery. A prerequisite is concentration – something that given the one paced, mundane musical compositions and monotone vocal delivery, is unfortunately difficult to maintain. "I'm morbid, I'm morose and made in Britain," he croons on the title track, in turn composing the perfect epitaph for his debut album – except unlike Jarvis, Bragg and all his other peers he just doesn't quite have the musicality, the voice, or the tunes - damn it - to pull it off. [Finbarr Bermingham]