Every Move A Picture - Heart = Weapon

Simon Le Bon has a lot to answer for. Without him there'd be no eighties revival, no preposterous haircuts, and, most importantly, no abhorrent wailings from indie schmoozers The Killers. And if 'Hot Fuss' hadn't stratospherically exploded, Every Move A Picture would be nothing but a grotesque apparition. Alas, Le Bon's meddling prevailed and 'Heart = Weapon' is the insipid debut album from this San-Francisco quartet. Resembling a vapidly faceless Duran Duran, this is a blueprint for how not to regurgitate the past. The synths are shamelessly nostalgic, while the Rapture-esque rhythms offer fraudulent modernity that lacks any real sincerity. Admittedly there's hope to be found in the veneering hook of Chemical Burns but this light merely flickers in a facetious timewarp. Every Move A Picture tell us exactly what we knew already: Duran Duran were never, ever, cool. [Billy Hamilton]