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The Amazing Spider-Man is released 2 May www.theamazingspiderman.com/
Trailer Trash #4: The Amazing Spider-Man
"With great power there must also come great responsibility," was a text line included in the final panel of the very first Marvel Spider-Man comic, created by Stan Lee and and Steve Ditko in 1962. The great responsibility here is for director Marc Webb and the newly assembled cast to re-invigorate a flailing series by doing what comes naturally in Hollywood these days, hitting reset and starting again. Batman did it, Bond did it, Superman did it (and is currently doing it again) but where does the list end? Who knows, or cares, for that matter? We are a lazy, impressionable bunch of movie-goers and most people would rather a rehash of an old character than a new, blank canvas to criticise. And so to the new new trailer for the New New Spider-Man.
0:10: First aerial shot of the weird guy in the red suit over New York. Done to death in the previous films and probably in this one too. Sigh.
0:13: First example of Gwen Stacy (Emma Stone) being just as credulous and gullible as Kirsten Dunst (in real life).
0:21: "Tell us a bit about yourself, Mr. Parker", croaks Denis Leary (Yes, Denis Leary), whose character already sounds like a complete prick (maybe 'cos he's played by Denis Leary). "Not much to tell, really," replies Parker. NOT MUCH TO TELL? Hollywood just made three movies about you in the last ten years, and there are a ridiculous number of comics, TV shows and cartoons all dedicated to this weird dress up like a spider thing you've got going on. Stop being so modest, son.
0:39: Don't worry there's comedy in it too. "Everybody likes comedy, right?" says Mr Movie Executive. "Yeah, well throw some of that in there for them. They'll love that." Fuck you, Mr Movie Executive.
1:05: And suspense! Mainly in the guise of an evil Howard Marks.
1:25: Another goddamn aeriel shot.
1:28: And drums!!! ACTION!!!
The rest of the trailer is just ballsy action and drums. We also get to see the Lizard (ohhhh a lizard), some neat hand-to-hand action, a few more aerial shots and Andrew Garfield looking lost. The highlight of the trailer is, undoubtedly, the line 'The Untold Story,' wherein Hollywood tries its best to push us into believing we haven't heard, seen or experienced all this before. Nice work Hollywood, you absolute bastards. And don't worry if this doesn't pay for that new penthouse suite you have your eye on, Mr Movie Executive, you can always try again in a few years and we'll all flock to the cinema like the idiotic simpletons we are just to see bright lights whizzing by our eyes and to hear the unending drumming of your big, unimaginative, cash cow drums in our ears. Yay drums.
Comments (6)
Add a comment »Great article and a easy read! Well played
Posted by | Tuesday 06 March 2012 @ 08:13
Report to moderatorAn article to say...Nothing!!! Big hurrah pour the WEB 2.0
Posted by | Tuesday 06 March 2012 @ 18:44
Report to moderatorDoug?!? Is that you? What did I tell you about trolling internet sites looking for pictures of Andrew Garfield to cream a little dream over? No pocket money for you this week ya little cunt!
Posted by | Friday 09 March 2012 @ 13:22
Report to moderatorNo macho man, no likey!
Posted by | Friday 09 March 2012 @ 14:15
Reported to moderatorDougs Dad, you’re not really Doug’s father, are you? I would never have a child with anyone with such pish patter. Stop pretending your pencil dick got anyone pregnant
Posted by | Friday 09 March 2012 @ 14:47
Report to moderatorJesus Christ woman, not in public. Remember, I said I'd raise him as my own after you got pumped by one too many shrumper and that little trucker sperm staggered into your egghole?
Remember you asked me to kick you down the stairs for a redneck abortion? Remember that? And remember the other time I kicked you down the stairs? See? I'd do anything for that little masturbating prick.
I may not be his biological father but at least I don't molest him like his uncle George...or his aunt Margaret...or that weird guy that works in Tesco.
Posted by | Friday 09 March 2012 @ 17:47
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