Top Ten Events 8-15 Dec: Malcolm Middleton, Glasgow Popfest + Noir Christmas Fair

Edinburgh music blogger Song, By Toad (aka Matthew Young) hosts his annual day-long festive knees-up, with a large line-up of local talent (mostly handpicked from Song, By Toad Records, Young's own label) jostling on one rather packed bill. It'll include sets from Meursault, The Japanese War Effort, Rob St John, Jesus H Foxx, Yusuf Azak, and Inspector Tapehead. Musically, the emphasis will be on the fun side of things, so expect a few covers, and a festive singalong or two, with mince pies, an avalanche of tinsel, and a couple of kegs sealing the deal. Tickets available here.

Our favourite festive miserablist rounds off his UK winter tour with a duo of Scottish dates, at which he'll be playing some of the new material he's written since he lifted his self-imposed 'song strike', alongside a selection of old faves. He'll be supported, in a fashion, by his semi-instrumental alias Human Don't Be Angry, all sparse, verse-style lyrics set to a bassy, guitar-based backdrop. Get yourself in the mood with a bit of Burst Noel (sample lyric: 'Lights burning from the street in, I know I’ll spend this season greeting'). Ah, Christmas! Listen here: Burst Noel.

Our pick of the bunch of seasonal theatre offerings (whilst we studiously avoid all things panto) has to be Citizens' Wicked Christmas production, a satirical glance at all the things we love to hate about Christmas. Penned by the Citizens Community Company, it's a sarcastic and gloriously foul-mouthed rant of a thing, this year focusing on a selection of (mostly) true festive tales. They'll also be incorporating a number of punters' stories into the mix, from the embarrassing to the heartfelt. It's no wonder it's always a sell-out (last few tickets available here).

Needing little more than a whiff of encouragement to get full-on into the festive spirit, The Stand kick off their string of Christmas specials this week (running from 12-17 December), with cheeky Perthshire chappie Joe Heenan hosting the fun and games over Edinburgh-way, and firm Stand favourite Susan Calman (pictured) in charge of the Glasgow proceedings. They'll both be aided-and-abetted by a jolly selection of stand-up guests, most likely in Santa hats, and dripping with tinsel.

We end as all good weeks really should – with a bit of Bruce Willis action. Well, actually, in this case it's a whole lotta Bruce Willis action, as Ashton Lane's Grosvenor Cinema screens all four of the Die Hard movies back-to-back, right through the night, and then serves you up some breakfast post-movie marathon (around the 4am mark). We've been enjoying a gem of a clip to get ourselves in the mood, which is basically a minute-long edited version of Die Hard, entitled The Fucking Short Version. Actual amazing. Watch it: here.